Anonymous asked this question on 4/19/2000:

Is it ever o.k. to have someone hit you? I know it is a stupid question but it's like I know certain things are going to piss my boyfriend off but sometimes I feel like I should be able to do whatever I want. I know that if I talk back or cuss at him that he might slap me in my mouth but sometimes I still do it.Does that make since? And the other stupid part is have the time I find myself saying sorry for him hitting me. I'm not stupid, actully I'm a straigt A college student. I even tell myself that I'm not going to do anything to piss him off but sometimes I still do. Don't tell me to get away from him, because I love him and I feel lonely without him but I just want him to treat me better. I want him to stop yelling at me, I don't like being scared of my boyfriend and I hate that almost everyone knows that he has hit me before. But I do not want to loss him. I don't think he would ever hurt me hurt me. Maybe scare me leave a couple of marks but not kill me. I know it sounds stupid but I really do believe it's true. They say you can't change those who don't want to be changed so what can I do to make it right?

debbie34 gave this response on 4/20/2000:

Hello,

Let me start off by saying i looked over other experts answers before i desided to write you myself, and they gave alot of good answers also, i thought well they pretty much touched all bases, but i have to put in my 2 cents worth also :-)

I have been where you are now 14 years ago, it started out just about the same as you mentioned by saying something to upset him and he would hit me, i remember feeling like i need to try harder and watch what i say so i dont make him mad. So i wouldnt say that thing that made him mad, thinking that would be the end of it.......WRONG ANSWER let me tell you there will ALWAYS be something else that will get him mad.....you will come to the point where you feel like you are walking on egg shells all the time and let me tell you there is no feeling worse then that and if there comes a time where you 2 have children you will also be teaching your children to do the same thing. This is not a way for anyone to live. I agree with other experts that you need to get help {if he wont go then u need to go for yourself}

I am still with my husband he has done all this and more to me, some people think i am nuts for staying with him......but i like you love him and didnt want to leave him i wanted things to work, and i really believed i could change him..... i have done that {SOME} but its been like i said 14 years and things are better then they were and they continue to get better....... but and and BIG BUT IS... you will take 1 step forward and 3 steps back you wont get ahead of the game EVER. He has to want to change and to be honest with you he wont even try untill he really hurts you first....and im not talking about a slapping around....... and there will be a experts call it a {honeymoon stage} all lovey dovey for a while and the it will go back to where it was before..... its not easy believe me....but if your comitted to staying with him this is how it will be and yes most of the time i felt that the good out weighed the bad......

BUT ITS NOT IF YOU DONT TALK TO SOMEONE FOR AT LEAST YOUR SELF. You need support if your going to keep your mind straight and on course. BUT personaly if i had it to do all over again...........

I WOULD RUN AS FAST AND FAR AS I COULD AWAY FROM HIM>>>>>> I WOULD NOT DO IT AGAIN!!

GOOD LUCK TO YOU AND I HOPE ALL TURNS OUT WELL FOR YOU.....

PLEASE PLEASE BE VERY CAREFULL!

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