Anonymous asked this question on 4/19/2000:

Is it ever o.k. to have someone hit you? I know it is a stupid question but it's like I know certain things are going to piss my boyfriend off but sometimes I feel like I should be able to do whatever I want. I know that if I talk back or cuss at him that he might slap me in my mouth but sometimes I still do it.Does that make since? And the other stupid part is have the time I find myself saying sorry for him hitting me. I'm not stupid, actully I'm a straigt A college student. I even tell myself that I'm not going to do anything to piss him off but sometimes I still do. Don't tell me to get away from him, because I love him and I feel lonely without him but I just want him to treat me better. I want him to stop yelling at me, I don't like being scared of my boyfriend and I hate that almost everyone knows that he has hit me before. But I do not want to loss him. I don't think he would ever hurt me hurt me. Maybe scare me leave a couple of marks but not kill me. I know it sounds stupid but I really do believe it's true. They say you can't change those who don't want to be changed so what can I do to make it right?

tcsmpsi gave this response on 4/20/2000:

I understand that you love him and don't want to lose him. This is natural and there is nothing wrong with that in itself. Love is strange that way. You are very correct in that, before he can change his method of responding/reacting to you, he is going to have to want to. In fact, he is going to have to want that more than he has ever wanted anything. From what you have described, he is going to have to have some very good theraputic assistence to evolve from reacting to you, to responding to you. That is what he is doing, is to emotionally react through physical manifestation. However, your allowing that violence is perpetuating it's existence. And it WILL become more intense. It is NOT alright for him to hit you. Period. There is nothing alright about that. For him, or for you. Frankly, by allowing this, you are working toward a life of misery and unhappiness, whether he seriously injures you or not. Obviously, you are beginning to feel within you that this is not right. I know, you have moments with him that are very loving and special to you. The problem is, those will become fewer and fewer. From the behavior you have described, the chance that he will opt to seek assistence for change, is virtually non-existent. He's not going to do that. If you stay in this relationship, you will one day in the not too distant future, regret it completely. No possible good can come from allowing this relationship to continue. YOU do have the right to your opinions, your feelings, your thoughts. Those are yours, and no one has the right to not allow you to have them.

I have a daughter who is a 'straight A college student' as well. I can assure you, she would never allow anyone to hit her. No way. No how. Love is not that singular.

If you want to stay with him, ulitmately that is your choice. But, I am just going to bluntly tell you, you are wrong to do so.

Once again, I know you love him and don't want to lose him, but, my precious young lady, you can do much better than that. Yes, it hurts this old dad's heart to know so well how he is reacting to you. Michael (tcsmpsi)

The average rating for this answer is 5.

Anonymous rated this answer a 5.