Anonymous asked this question on 4/19/2000:

Is it ever o.k. to have someone hit you? I know it is a stupid question but it's like I know certain things are going to piss my boyfriend off but sometimes I feel like I should be able to do whatever I want. I know that if I talk back or cuss at him that he might slap me in my mouth but sometimes I still do it.Does that make since? And the other stupid part is have the time I find myself saying sorry for him hitting me. I'm not stupid, actully I'm a straigt A college student. I even tell myself that I'm not going to do anything to piss him off but sometimes I still do. Don't tell me to get away from him, because I love him and I feel lonely without him but I just want him to treat me better. I want him to stop yelling at me, I don't like being scared of my boyfriend and I hate that almost everyone knows that he has hit me before. But I do not want to loss him. I don't think he would ever hurt me hurt me. Maybe scare me leave a couple of marks but not kill me. I know it sounds stupid but I really do believe it's true. They say you can't change those who don't want to be changed so what can I do to make it right?

wwnelsonfive11 gave this response on 4/19/2000:

Anonymous:

You know the answer to your first question. Of course it is absolutely NOT ok to hit your partner!! It is not ok, anytime, anywhere, with anyone!!

Second: One of the things an abuser will try to do is to get the abused to think it is somehow their fault! Listen to me. Even if you scream at him and cuss him out, it is still his problem if he hits you! That doesn't mean it's a good thing to do to yell at him. But, a true man should be able to control his emotions enough to prevent violence.

It sounds as if you two have alot of fights. That indicates that you two have a serious problem in your relationship. You need counseling. Both of you. You need to learn how to fight fairly, not desructively.

If you are determined to stay in this relationship, then get into counseling. If he doesn't want to.....then you do it for both of you.

But, please believe me, abusers almost NEVER change without counseling! Don't expect him to change without it.

And, don't kid yourself. In almost all cases the abuse only gets worse the longer you stay in the relationship without both getting counseling.

Let me suggest very strongly that you contact an abuse Hot-line in your area and get yourself educated in what you can do to help.

I know that I'm coming on fairly strongly with you, but you know that there is a serious problem. You wouldn't be asking this question if there weren't. Please help yourself (and your partner) and seek help asap!

Thanks,

William

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