Anonymous asked this question on 4/19/2000:

Is it ever o.k. to have someone hit you? I know it is a stupid question but it's like I know certain things are going to piss my boyfriend off but sometimes I feel like I should be able to do whatever I want. I know that if I talk back or cuss at him that he might slap me in my mouth but sometimes I still do it.Does that make since? And the other stupid part is have the time I find myself saying sorry for him hitting me. I'm not stupid, actully I'm a straigt A college student. I even tell myself that I'm not going to do anything to piss him off but sometimes I still do. Don't tell me to get away from him, because I love him and I feel lonely without him but I just want him to treat me better. I want him to stop yelling at me, I don't like being scared of my boyfriend and I hate that almost everyone knows that he has hit me before. But I do not want to loss him. I don't think he would ever hurt me hurt me. Maybe scare me leave a couple of marks but not kill me. I know it sounds stupid but I really do believe it's true. They say you can't change those who don't want to be changed so what can I do to make it right?

Help4U1 gave this response on 4/19/2000:

Hi,

Boy, talk about a walk down memory lane..so many of us have been where you are right now. Is it ever right to hit someone? Absolutely not.

I won't say to leave him because I remember what that was like. We get locked into such a vicious cycle that it's hard to remember that we as women are individuals and not puppets to react to our abusers. All types of abuse are meant to demean and control people so when you say you find yourself saying you are sorry this does not surprise me. Before we know it they are controlling what we say, how we say it and sometimes there doesn't have to be a reason at all.

To stop this you must set limits on what you are going to accept. Abusers have no respect for their victims so you must have respect for yourself first to fully understand what is happening to you and why you are tolerating this.

Also, please do not underestimate what this type of person can do. I went from being hit also to almost losing my life by drowning.

I'm not sure how long he has been like this but the chances of him just stopping are pretty slim. He has a very serious problem. I hope you will find some counseling to help you through this. Nobody deserves this type of treatment.

Please be careful. My very best to you.

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