Anonymous asked this question on 4/17/2000:
not sure where to start except to say that we have been married for almost 7 years and he is a very jealous man,he has abused me both physically and mentally.about 2 or maybe 3 years ago he hit me on several occassions which i did have him arrested for 2 of those occasions,and to this day he does not dare hit me but he does i think mentally abuse me always accuses me of messing around and very very jealous,i have left him several times but i continue to think oh he will change but in my heart i have my doubts i am just so afraid to leave him because i have been with him for so long and it seems impossible to make it on my own with 2 kids,but i know that my kids do not need to hear fussing all the time i should also mention that he never hits the kids but does lack in patience with them,he is even very jealous of the children he gets really upset when they are talking to me or loving on me,he believes that they have had their time already and when he gets home from work it should be his time with me.i am so confused and scared i feel like i am imagining all of this but i know that i am not,he has even completley embarresed me in a grocery store many times saying that i am looking at another man and he says it loud enough that people around us can hear.i should also say this,through out all of this i have met a man on the internet that i really enjoy talking to which i never meant to go as far as it has,no we have not done anything physically together but we do talk alot and we have exchanged pictures through the mail.i guess i should also say that this man is also married.we live worlds apart but he brings so much happiness in my life that i am lacking and need so much.i dont want to hurt anyone but i cant help but feel these feelings for this man.please help,i need good advice.thanks so much
Cntrygrl gave this response on 4/18/2000:
First I want to tell you I know exactly how you feel....I have been there before!! It's a horrible way to have to live your life! Your husband, by what you've told me here, is controlling you with his abuse. I, too, left my ex husband several times, hoping beyond hope that he would change, also...to no avail. I've come to understand that these men that abuse their wives/girlfriends don't understand that they have problems, and need psychological counselling. They feel that their behavior is normal...they see nothing wrong with the way they treat their significant others. My suggestion to you would be to call your local police department and find out where the nearest battered women's shelter is and scoop up your children and take them there with you...I know they allow children, because I have volunteered at a shelter a couple of years ago. You need to get yourself and your children out of that environment....your children will grow up seeing and hearing all of this, and they will end up doing the same things! You also need to find some counselling for abused women...it'll be a tough road to ride, but ya have too!! You need to learn that what he is doing to you, you DO NOT DESERVE!! You have to learn, also, that you ARE a GOOD PERSON...you ARE WORTH IT!! My other suggestion to you is, concerning this other gentlement you've been talking with, etc....I know that when you are in a situation like yours, you tend to look elsewhere for the comfort and support and love you so desperately want from your husband, in other places....I have nothing against talking with someone, and possibly exchanging pictures, but you need to get out of your situation FIRST, BEFORE anything develops or not with this other gentlemen....believe me, I've been here in this same situation, and you need to find safety and security for you and your children BEFORE any other relationships come into existence. I do hope this helps you, and pls. let me know if I can be of any further help to you. I wish you luck and safety! Pls. take care and let me know what happens!!