Anonymous asked this question on 4/15/2000:

As a child from ages 4 to 6 I can remember my grandfather crawling on me and from there I've blocked it out. I guss I'm afraid of remembering what he actually did to me. I was almost raped by a family friend at 9 years old. When I was around 7 or 8 years old my aunt made me have sex with her. When I was 11 years old my uncle fondled me, made me take baths with him, made me drink liquor, made me look at playboy magazines, and he wanted to take pictures of me nude. He would take me riding with him and his friends. I wouldn't remember any thing till the next morning at home in my bed. I didn't tell any one is because back in those days noone would have believed me. I totally respected these people and looked up to them like they were my second parents. I'm now 35 years old and I'm not sure who I am anymore. My husband and I can't get along to well anymore because I want come to his every beckon call. My attitude toward men now is just that an attitude. My husband knows about all this but doesn't think it should affect my life now. I've tried counseling. They didn't seem to help me. I can't afford a counselor because of their outragous fees. What makes me so mad is now when I see one of them eveyting is okand should be forgotten. How should I try to get my life back together? I think if I get some of this sorted out my life with my family will get back to normal. Can you help? What would you suggest I do?, As a child from ages 4 to 6 I can remember my grandfather crawling on me and from there I've blocked it out. I guss I'm afraid of remembering what he actually did to me. I was almost raped by a family friend at 9 years old. When I was around 7 or 8 years old my aunt made me have sex with her. When I was 11 years old my uncle fondled me, made me take baths with him, made me drink liquor, made me look at playboy magazines, and he wanted to take pictures of me nude. He would take me riding with him and his friends. I wouldn't remember any thing till the next morning at home in my bed. I didn't tell any one is because back in those days noone would have believed me. I totally respected these people and looked up to them like they were my second parents. I'm now 35 years old and I'm not sure who I am anymore. My husband and I can't get along to well anymore because I want come to his every beckon call. My attitude toward men now is just that an attitude. My husband knows about all this but doesn't think it should affect my life now. I've tried counseling. They didn't seem to help me. I can't afford a counselor because of their outragous fees. What makes me so mad is now when I see one of them eveyting is okand should be forgotten. How should I try to get my life back together? I think if I get some of this sorted out my life with my family will get back to normal. Can you help? What would you suggest I do?

Phoenixguy2000 gave this response on 4/18/2000:

Obviously, you had a very tumultuous childhood. I can certainly empathize with your current situation. Whoever abused you, you need to express to them how you feel today, and the impact this has had on your life. I suggest that you set yourself down, and write a personal letter to each one of these people who have abused you, and really express your inner feelings candidly. It is not important that you mail these letters, but IS important that you get your feelings down on paper where you can actually see them. If mailing them helps, then, do it!! Understand as well, that you are not the one responsible for these things having happened. You simply were a victim of circumstance, you were the one who was convenient for these family members to focus their inappropriate sexual overtures to. But I have to agree with your husband to a certain degree. You are 35 years old. If you live to be 120, you will never be able to change what has happened to you in the past. Realize that people who perpetrate such behavior on youngsters have a very deep-seated sexual inadequacy problem, and are probably not able to sexually interact with adults in a meaningful, appropriate way, even now. That is not meant to excuse what they did, but it is meant to say that, since you have been through this, you should come out of this a stronger person, and when, and if, you have children, will make you a better parent in the long run. If you have trouble relating to your spouse in a sexual way, you need to seek out counseling in order to enable you to remove these ghosts from the past. I hope you find the peace you truly deserve. No child deserves a life filled with fear and uncertainty when relating to the people who are supposed to care the most for them.

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