Anonymous asked this question on 4/15/2000:

As a child from ages 4 to 6 I can remember my grandfather crawling on me and from there I've blocked it out. I guss I'm afraid of remembering what he actually did to me. I was almost raped by a family friend at 9 years old. When I was around 7 or 8 years old my aunt made me have sex with her. When I was 11 years old my uncle fondled me, made me take baths with him, made me drink liquor, made me look at playboy magazines, and he wanted to take pictures of me nude. He would take me riding with him and his friends. I wouldn't remember any thing till the next morning at home in my bed. I didn't tell any one is because back in those days noone would have believed me. I totally respected these people and looked up to them like they were my second parents. I'm now 35 years old and I'm not sure who I am anymore. My husband and I can't get along to well anymore because I want come to his every beckon call. My attitude toward men now is just that an attitude. My husband knows about all this but doesn't think it should affect my life now. I've tried counseling. They didn't seem to help me. I can't afford a counselor because of their outragous fees. What makes me so mad is now when I see one of them eveyting is okand should be forgotten. How should I try to get my life back together? I think if I get some of this sorted out my life with my family will get back to normal. Can you help? What would you suggest I do?, As a child from ages 4 to 6 I can remember my grandfather crawling on me and from there I've blocked it out. I guss I'm afraid of remembering what he actually did to me. I was almost raped by a family friend at 9 years old. When I was around 7 or 8 years old my aunt made me have sex with her. When I was 11 years old my uncle fondled me, made me take baths with him, made me drink liquor, made me look at playboy magazines, and he wanted to take pictures of me nude. He would take me riding with him and his friends. I wouldn't remember any thing till the next morning at home in my bed. I didn't tell any one is because back in those days noone would have believed me. I totally respected these people and looked up to them like they were my second parents. I'm now 35 years old and I'm not sure who I am anymore. My husband and I can't get along to well anymore because I want come to his every beckon call. My attitude toward men now is just that an attitude. My husband knows about all this but doesn't think it should affect my life now. I've tried counseling. They didn't seem to help me. I can't afford a counselor because of their outragous fees. What makes me so mad is now when I see one of them eveyting is okand should be forgotten. How should I try to get my life back together? I think if I get some of this sorted out my life with my family will get back to normal. Can you help? What would you suggest I do?

nemesis2 gave this response on 4/17/2000:

Dreadful stuff you are dealing with - and too big to overcome without the support and love of people around you. It is so very true that such experiences can have an adverse effect on all our future relationships not to mention the effects on our self-esteem. Your trust and security have been dealt quite a blow and even though you state you are 35 - it is irrelavent other than the fact that you now have many of the capacities to systematically work through these issues - and as a child, you couldn't, so that is the main reason why it was repressed and why it has now come to the surface. I agree that counselling is often not what it should be, but I do think that a "good" one is worth their weight in gold. Can you access a local hospital or sexual assault service? They often have good professionals including social workers and psychologists or even family therapists, and they often offer a number of free or subsidised sessions. Another option - although do be careful that you are feeling up to it - is survivor pages such as Jayde's Place or Survive, on the net. They have great resouces and like-minded individuals who have spent years recovering from similar abuse histories. If you find some of the responses here at askme of use, or you just want to discuss everyday hassles - this is a great place to start. But, as I said, you need to have support - if your partner is unsupportive, look to someone like a friend or other family member for emotional support - otherwise his lack of comfort can keep you on a cycle of self-blame and self-defeat. remember always that what happenned to you should not happen to ANY child, and that it is not only wrong but illegal and immoral behavior. You are very brave and very determined to change your situation and for that I commend you and hope that you can get the supports you need to heal and be happy. Kindest regards, tracey

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