Anonymous asked this question on 4/15/2000:

As a child from ages 4 to 6 I can remember my grandfather crawling on me and from there I've blocked it out. I guss I'm afraid of remembering what he actually did to me. I was almost raped by a family friend at 9 years old. When I was around 7 or 8 years old my aunt made me have sex with her. When I was 11 years old my uncle fondled me, made me take baths with him, made me drink liquor, made me look at playboy magazines, and he wanted to take pictures of me nude. He would take me riding with him and his friends. I wouldn't remember any thing till the next morning at home in my bed. I didn't tell any one is because back in those days noone would have believed me. I totally respected these people and looked up to them like they were my second parents. I'm now 35 years old and I'm not sure who I am anymore. My husband and I can't get along to well anymore because I want come to his every beckon call. My attitude toward men now is just that an attitude. My husband knows about all this but doesn't think it should affect my life now. I've tried counseling. They didn't seem to help me. I can't afford a counselor because of their outragous fees. What makes me so mad is now when I see one of them eveyting is okand should be forgotten. How should I try to get my life back together? I think if I get some of this sorted out my life with my family will get back to normal. Can you help? What would you suggest I do?, As a child from ages 4 to 6 I can remember my grandfather crawling on me and from there I've blocked it out. I guss I'm afraid of remembering what he actually did to me. I was almost raped by a family friend at 9 years old. When I was around 7 or 8 years old my aunt made me have sex with her. When I was 11 years old my uncle fondled me, made me take baths with him, made me drink liquor, made me look at playboy magazines, and he wanted to take pictures of me nude. He would take me riding with him and his friends. I wouldn't remember any thing till the next morning at home in my bed. I didn't tell any one is because back in those days noone would have believed me. I totally respected these people and looked up to them like they were my second parents. I'm now 35 years old and I'm not sure who I am anymore. My husband and I can't get along to well anymore because I want come to his every beckon call. My attitude toward men now is just that an attitude. My husband knows about all this but doesn't think it should affect my life now. I've tried counseling. They didn't seem to help me. I can't afford a counselor because of their outragous fees. What makes me so mad is now when I see one of them eveyting is okand should be forgotten. How should I try to get my life back together? I think if I get some of this sorted out my life with my family will get back to normal. Can you help? What would you suggest I do?

brenzx2 gave this response on 4/17/2000:

When I was 5 my next door neighbor would touch me, I was 5 I didn't understand what he was doing. I remember feeling uncomfotable when he did this. I told my mother and she told my dad. That night my father went over to his house, some time had passed before he came home. He said "DO NOT GO OVER THERE AGAIN". Nothing was ever said about that night again. My ex-husband beat me daily it was always my fault. I left him after 3 years and tried to get on with my life. I became cold when I would see a talk show about women who beat their child, or killed them. When they were asked why they would say "I was raped as a child" or "My husband beat me and I lost it" Those things happened to me but I don't beat my kid's. I was 30 when I would say that, I was strong, it wasn't my fault, who do they think they are? I am now 39 and I had a complete brake down 2 years ago. I didn't hurt my kids, or anybody else, I tried to kill myself. I blocked out everything that caused me pain, it all came back and hit me in the face, the day I was told my brother killed himself. I am telling you this because if you don't get help now you may not be as lucky as I was, you might suceed suicide. I can not tell you how badley you need to see a therapist. There are ways to get free care, most hospitals have clinics, you can search the web for support groups. I read how you feel about men, I was the same way. I also read about what you were told by counselor's, I had many tell me the samething. I saw at least 12 doctors before I found one that listened to me. I understand now what happened to me, it took the shock of my brothers death to trigger me.

I am now starting to get well, it takes a lot of time and it's hard work, but I am starting to know who I am. Please take my advice and get help! I will help you on line search for help, and support groups. I hope to hear from you soon. Your in my prayers brenzx2

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