Anonymous asked this question on 4/15/2000:
As a child from ages 4 to 6 I can remember my grandfather crawling on me and from there I've blocked it out. I guss I'm afraid of remembering what he actually did to me. I was almost raped by a family friend at 9 years old. When I was around 7 or 8 years old my aunt made me have sex with her. When I was 11 years old my uncle fondled me, made me take baths with him, made me drink liquor, made me look at playboy magazines, and he wanted to take pictures of me nude. He would take me riding with him and his friends. I wouldn't remember any thing till the next morning at home in my bed. I didn't tell any one is because back in those days noone would have believed me. I totally respected these people and looked up to them like they were my second parents. I'm now 35 years old and I'm not sure who I am anymore. My husband and I can't get along to well anymore because I want come to his every beckon call. My attitude toward men now is just that an attitude. My husband knows about all this but doesn't think it should affect my life now. I've tried counseling. They didn't seem to help me. I can't afford a counselor because of their outragous fees. What makes me so mad is now when I see one of them eveyting is okand should be forgotten. How should I try to get my life back together? I think if I get some of this sorted out my life with my family will get back to normal. Can you help? What would you suggest I do?, As a child from ages 4 to 6 I can remember my grandfather crawling on me and from there I've blocked it out. I guss I'm afraid of remembering what he actually did to me. I was almost raped by a family friend at 9 years old. When I was around 7 or 8 years old my aunt made me have sex with her. When I was 11 years old my uncle fondled me, made me take baths with him, made me drink liquor, made me look at playboy magazines, and he wanted to take pictures of me nude. He would take me riding with him and his friends. I wouldn't remember any thing till the next morning at home in my bed. I didn't tell any one is because back in those days noone would have believed me. I totally respected these people and looked up to them like they were my second parents. I'm now 35 years old and I'm not sure who I am anymore. My husband and I can't get along to well anymore because I want come to his every beckon call. My attitude toward men now is just that an attitude. My husband knows about all this but doesn't think it should affect my life now. I've tried counseling. They didn't seem to help me. I can't afford a counselor because of their outragous fees. What makes me so mad is now when I see one of them eveyting is okand should be forgotten. How should I try to get my life back together? I think if I get some of this sorted out my life with my family will get back to normal. Can you help? What would you suggest I do?
Lolo2Sweet gave this response on 4/17/2000:
Dear One,
I know that it took you a lot of courage to write your story. Most of the people act self-denial, but for you it is the first step for healing.
Till now inside you there is fear of being different than others, anger towards the abusers, people who didn't protect you and your self, sadness of losing that part and betrayed by someone you trust
Feeling guilt for what happened, or for not being able to stop the abuse it is normal, but please don't be cruel on your self.
I know you go through a lot of times when tears seem endless, and the world is too much that you want to leave.
People say that time is a great healer, so one day very soon you will put all the sad events behind you and start a new life, here are some ideas I need you to consider, find what suit you and go for it.
1. Take time out for your self: it is a very healthy way to deal with what you have inside, talk to you self, it knows how to heal it self. 1. When you get angry do something very energetic like running, do what ever to release your anger don't be afraid form it. 2. Do something new in your life, something you were anxious to do long time ago, and it helps with the feelings of frustration and anger. 3. Act like a child, let down the barriers, have fun, and don't feel guilty! It is nice to let what you have inside go its direction. 4. When you feel you are low read something positive to feel good about the world and your feelings. 5. Don't waste time grieving over past mistakes, learn from them and move on. 6. Your shadow follows you everywhere, but they don't harm you, learn from them to accept your past and live with it. 7. Share your feelings with your close friends. 8. Take it easy on your self, you don't have to see the people who abused you. Let them out from your life and don't regret it. 9. Don't you ever face them with what you have inside, cause they may hurt even worse.
What happened to you is to test the limits of your soul, everything happens for a reason not by chance, that's why what you have been true created you those lessons are the hardest and probably the most important ones.
If they hurt you try to forgive them cause they taught not to open your heart to anyone. Also thank the people who loves you especially your husband who give you a great lesson how to love and open your eyes to many things you will never see.
Believe in your self to let others believe in you. Hold your head up you have the right to cause you are a courageous person. Create your own life then go and live it.
Remember always anything you do for your self will effect others around, so make the best of it and move on.
God Bless you always, and may angels carry your sorrows away.
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