Anonymous asked this question on 4/6/2000:

When does critisim become emotional, verbal, and/or mental abuse? I'm a grown woman with a mother who I can't stand. I'ma trim 5'6" 115. I gained 15 last year and was berated constantly about how I was getting fat. I'm still a size 4 she's been a 16 or more my whole life. I'm lazy and unmotivated although I work 60 hours a week at a profesional job. I'm a failure and disappointment even though I'm a high earner and have a graduate degree. She's never had a job in her life, had to go to summer school to finish high school and has literally slept her life away. I've never been good enough, it's suprising I have any self esteem at all. My other sister has moved across country to get away from her and rarely calls. I live in the same town and run into her often, but not on purpose. She bad mouths me to my relatives who have the impression I'm a bum. Is this abuse?

Artemidoros gave this response on 4/15/2000:

Dear Anonymous, One can use the term "abuse" for any relational problem. Of course I don't have any objection to say with you that she abuses you. This is just a first step. And what after? I think that you have to stop her immediately and don't listen to a ord of what she says. The reason she behaves to you thatway is that she probably has serious psychologicalproblems but this hasn't to be your problem anymore. Try to fix your own life above all. try to resolve one by one these problems that shake your self-esteem and confidence. Don't place yourself in a victim position,it doesn't resolve anything. Just make your own way and start to do things for yourself. Perhaps you will need some preofessional help too.

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