Anonymous asked this question on 4/15/2000:
As a child from ages 4 to 6 I can remember my grandfather crawling on me and from there I've blocked it out. I guss I'm afraid of remembering what he actually did to me. I was almost raped by a family friend at 9 years old. When I was around 7 or 8 years old my aunt made me have sex with her. When I was 11 years old my uncle fondled me, made me take baths with him, made me drink liquor, made me look at playboy magazines, and he wanted to take pictures of me nude. He would take me riding with him and his friends. I wouldn't remember any thing till the next morning at home in my bed. I didn't tell any one is because back in those days noone would have believed me. I totally respected these people and looked up to them like they were my second parents. I'm now 35 years old and I'm not sure who I am anymore. My husband and I can't get along to well anymore because I want come to his every beckon call. My attitude toward men now is just that an attitude. My husband knows about all this but doesn't think it should affect my life now. I've tried counseling. They didn't seem to help me. I can't afford a counselor because of their outragous fees. What makes me so mad is now when I see one of them eveyting is okand should be forgotten. How should I try to get my life back together? I think if I get some of this sorted out my life with my family will get back to normal. Can you help? What would you suggest I do?, As a child from ages 4 to 6 I can remember my grandfather crawling on me and from there I've blocked it out. I guss I'm afraid of remembering what he actually did to me. I was almost raped by a family friend at 9 years old. When I was around 7 or 8 years old my aunt made me have sex with her. When I was 11 years old my uncle fondled me, made me take baths with him, made me drink liquor, made me look at playboy magazines, and he wanted to take pictures of me nude. He would take me riding with him and his friends. I wouldn't remember any thing till the next morning at home in my bed. I didn't tell any one is because back in those days noone would have believed me. I totally respected these people and looked up to them like they were my second parents. I'm now 35 years old and I'm not sure who I am anymore. My husband and I can't get along to well anymore because I want come to his every beckon call. My attitude toward men now is just that an attitude. My husband knows about all this but doesn't think it should affect my life now. I've tried counseling. They didn't seem to help me. I can't afford a counselor because of their outragous fees. What makes me so mad is now when I see one of them eveyting is okand should be forgotten. How should I try to get my life back together? I think if I get some of this sorted out my life with my family will get back to normal. Can you help? What would you suggest I do?
karunap gave this response on 4/16/2000:
I think the reason that you haven't found therapy to be helpful is that you haven't found the right style of therapy. With abuse as severe as what you are describing you need therapy that goes far beyond talk therapy. I would suggest you find a therapist (when you can afford it) that integrates many forms of therapy.... bioenergetic feeling release, processing of old trauma, filling in developmental gaps, contracting for current behavior changes, accountability, etc. I find group therapy works the best.... but it needs to be more than talk also.
I have had many clients in situations like yours... and worse.... that have been able to free themselves from the past and live happy, fulfilled lives.
I hear right now you don't have the resources for therapy. I would suggest you do the following.
Depression is most often due to stuffing one's feelings….. particularly anger. The first step in moving out of the depression is to start doing feeling work. I suggest people do 15-60 minutes a day of feeling work.
There are many forms. Some examples:
Write lists of mads, sads and scares. Journal about past and present feelings, Feel them as you write. Write angry letters and then destroy them Twist a towel Pound a pillow. Push against a wall pretending you are pushing away people you are angry with. Scream into a pillow or pool. Stomp as you walk
Talk to your friends….. find ways to increase your support system. Improve your diet and exercise patterns
Read GOOD GRIEF RITUALS for more ideas.
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