Anonymous asked this question on 4/15/2000:

As a child from ages 4 to 6 I can remember my grandfather crawling on me and from there I've blocked it out. I guss I'm afraid of remembering what he actually did to me. I was almost raped by a family friend at 9 years old. When I was around 7 or 8 years old my aunt made me have sex with her. When I was 11 years old my uncle fondled me, made me take baths with him, made me drink liquor, made me look at playboy magazines, and he wanted to take pictures of me nude. He would take me riding with him and his friends. I wouldn't remember any thing till the next morning at home in my bed. I didn't tell any one is because back in those days noone would have believed me. I totally respected these people and looked up to them like they were my second parents. I'm now 35 years old and I'm not sure who I am anymore. My husband and I can't get along to well anymore because I want come to his every beckon call. My attitude toward men now is just that an attitude. My husband knows about all this but doesn't think it should affect my life now. I've tried counseling. They didn't seem to help me. I can't afford a counselor because of their outragous fees. What makes me so mad is now when I see one of them eveyting is okand should be forgotten. How should I try to get my life back together? I think if I get some of this sorted out my life with my family will get back to normal. Can you help? What would you suggest I do?, As a child from ages 4 to 6 I can remember my grandfather crawling on me and from there I've blocked it out. I guss I'm afraid of remembering what he actually did to me. I was almost raped by a family friend at 9 years old. When I was around 7 or 8 years old my aunt made me have sex with her. When I was 11 years old my uncle fondled me, made me take baths with him, made me drink liquor, made me look at playboy magazines, and he wanted to take pictures of me nude. He would take me riding with him and his friends. I wouldn't remember any thing till the next morning at home in my bed. I didn't tell any one is because back in those days noone would have believed me. I totally respected these people and looked up to them like they were my second parents. I'm now 35 years old and I'm not sure who I am anymore. My husband and I can't get along to well anymore because I want come to his every beckon call. My attitude toward men now is just that an attitude. My husband knows about all this but doesn't think it should affect my life now. I've tried counseling. They didn't seem to help me. I can't afford a counselor because of their outragous fees. What makes me so mad is now when I see one of them eveyting is okand should be forgotten. How should I try to get my life back together? I think if I get some of this sorted out my life with my family will get back to normal. Can you help? What would you suggest I do?

Artemidoros gave this response on 4/16/2000:

Dear Anonymous, I understand how difficult your position may be.From the descriptions you make it seems you have grown in a totally immoral and depraved family environment. Do not despair.Unforunately such situations are encountered sometimes. One thing is positive: is that you start to seak out those things. Asking for counselling help was a good thing you made. did you disclose all these facts to your counsellor? In an environment such as this you describe there is very rarely just one victim. If you have brothers, sisters, cousins or peers of that time, it is certain that they must have, at least one of them noticed something, or been themselves too victims of sexual abuse from the same persons. So they can be useful allies to you. Perhaps some of the memories you describe are not totally accurate. One thing is certain: you have been at least once if not repeatedly victim of abuse or traumatism. It is important for you to find the truth and to fight for justice and reparation. I think that you need some professional help anyway.If the one counsellor you met had high fees, you can try to find another adress. There are also support groups, oraganisations, etc. Your husband needs some support too. Although he shares your truth he may be overwhelmed or perplexe by the severity of the situation. So if you sometimes feel he doesn't understand everything, don't blame him. Concerning th persons you identify as your abusers or accomplices try to avoid them by all means. Abusers sometimes continue to harass their past victims in order to force their silence or just to humiliate them. Be sure though that law is on your side. Even ther is a lot of time passed between the facts and today, there is no prescription for some of the sexual offenses. Get more information from a lawyer. I must also tell you that your feelings: "not knowing who you are" are what is expected in such a situation. Doubts, depression, guilt or other psychopathology may emerge a lot of years after the traumatism. Try to see things clear, get support from people you trust, get legal advice,get counselling help and persuade yourself that at he end justice will be or at least that it is worth trying. Don't hesitate to ask me any questions. Good luck and courage.

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