Anonymous asked this question on 4/15/2000:

As a child from ages 4 to 6 I can remember my grandfather crawling on me and from there I've blocked it out. I guss I'm afraid of remembering what he actually did to me. I was almost raped by a family friend at 9 years old. When I was around 7 or 8 years old my aunt made me have sex with her. When I was 11 years old my uncle fondled me, made me take baths with him, made me drink liquor, made me look at playboy magazines, and he wanted to take pictures of me nude. He would take me riding with him and his friends. I wouldn't remember any thing till the next morning at home in my bed. I didn't tell any one is because back in those days noone would have believed me. I totally respected these people and looked up to them like they were my second parents. I'm now 35 years old and I'm not sure who I am anymore. My husband and I can't get along to well anymore because I want come to his every beckon call. My attitude toward men now is just that an attitude. My husband knows about all this but doesn't think it should affect my life now. I've tried counseling. They didn't seem to help me. I can't afford a counselor because of their outragous fees. What makes me so mad is now when I see one of them eveyting is okand should be forgotten. How should I try to get my life back together? I think if I get some of this sorted out my life with my family will get back to normal. Can you help? What would you suggest I do?, As a child from ages 4 to 6 I can remember my grandfather crawling on me and from there I've blocked it out. I guss I'm afraid of remembering what he actually did to me. I was almost raped by a family friend at 9 years old. When I was around 7 or 8 years old my aunt made me have sex with her. When I was 11 years old my uncle fondled me, made me take baths with him, made me drink liquor, made me look at playboy magazines, and he wanted to take pictures of me nude. He would take me riding with him and his friends. I wouldn't remember any thing till the next morning at home in my bed. I didn't tell any one is because back in those days noone would have believed me. I totally respected these people and looked up to them like they were my second parents. I'm now 35 years old and I'm not sure who I am anymore. My husband and I can't get along to well anymore because I want come to his every beckon call. My attitude toward men now is just that an attitude. My husband knows about all this but doesn't think it should affect my life now. I've tried counseling. They didn't seem to help me. I can't afford a counselor because of their outragous fees. What makes me so mad is now when I see one of them eveyting is okand should be forgotten. How should I try to get my life back together? I think if I get some of this sorted out my life with my family will get back to normal. Can you help? What would you suggest I do?

MOONCHILD2 gave this response on 4/15/2000:

Dear Lost, i know what you are going through I went through something similar in my past that I also blocked out but couldn't keep out. It happened when i was about 5 years old. Anyway I'm 34 now and when I was younger I started having bad dreams about parts of what happened and only bits and peices would come to me. Well now theres still some that is blocked out but for the majority I know what happened whether I have all the details or not which I would rather not and what happened then does very much so affect my relationship now with my husband for I also have a I different attitude towards men than I probably would have had. But my advice to you is instead of paying lots of money for someone to tell you what to do about your past, Look deep within your self and find what you like and dislike about yourself and work on improving yourself. There is good ways of doing this yourself like relaxing with aromatherapy candles, or meditation, and lots of self-help books that will help you find yourself and be someone you wanna be for yourself and noone else. And sbout your past I am so sorry but the only thing you can do is try to remember it so its in your concious not subconsious mind and then let go of those feelings as best as you can. I'm definately not saying to forgive or forget because thats never gonna be possible. I'm just saying let go of the feelings of hate and whatever else thats stirring this inside you and know you had no control over it then but yo do now. They took your childhood don't let them have your adulthood. And lastly you are the only one to decide if you comfront your abusers noone else and if you can change yourself inside as a person you wanna be then theres no need you both know what happened and they have to live with it for the rest of there lives. But if you need them to know you know then face them nomatter if they say your lying or not. You know the truth and thats all that matters. on a good note me and my husband made it through this ordeal and I'm syre you will too. I hope I helped with your question. If you need someone to talk to my e-mail is penberthb@aol.com

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