Anonymous asked this question on 4/15/2000:
As a child from ages 4 to 6 I can remember my grandfather crawling on me and from there I've blocked it out. I guss I'm afraid of remembering what he actually did to me. I was almost raped by a family friend at 9 years old. When I was around 7 or 8 years old my aunt made me have sex with her. When I was 11 years old my uncle fondled me, made me take baths with him, made me drink liquor, made me look at playboy magazines, and he wanted to take pictures of me nude. He would take me riding with him and his friends. I wouldn't remember any thing till the next morning at home in my bed. I didn't tell any one is because back in those days noone would have believed me. I totally respected these people and looked up to them like they were my second parents. I'm now 35 years old and I'm not sure who I am anymore. My husband and I can't get along to well anymore because I want come to his every beckon call. My attitude toward men now is just that an attitude. My husband knows about all this but doesn't think it should affect my life now. I've tried counseling. They didn't seem to help me. I can't afford a counselor because of their outragous fees. What makes me so mad is now when I see one of them eveyting is okand should be forgotten. How should I try to get my life back together? I think if I get some of this sorted out my life with my family will get back to normal. Can you help? What would you suggest I do?, As a child from ages 4 to 6 I can remember my grandfather crawling on me and from there I've blocked it out. I guss I'm afraid of remembering what he actually did to me. I was almost raped by a family friend at 9 years old. When I was around 7 or 8 years old my aunt made me have sex with her. When I was 11 years old my uncle fondled me, made me take baths with him, made me drink liquor, made me look at playboy magazines, and he wanted to take pictures of me nude. He would take me riding with him and his friends. I wouldn't remember any thing till the next morning at home in my bed. I didn't tell any one is because back in those days noone would have believed me. I totally respected these people and looked up to them like they were my second parents. I'm now 35 years old and I'm not sure who I am anymore. My husband and I can't get along to well anymore because I want come to his every beckon call. My attitude toward men now is just that an attitude. My husband knows about all this but doesn't think it should affect my life now. I've tried counseling. They didn't seem to help me. I can't afford a counselor because of their outragous fees. What makes me so mad is now when I see one of them eveyting is okand should be forgotten. How should I try to get my life back together? I think if I get some of this sorted out my life with my family will get back to normal. Can you help? What would you suggest I do?
Manassah gave this response on 4/15/2000:
Hello, As I am beginningto write this I am overwhelmed by tears, for I truly know your pain, I have been right where you are right now.Most of my life was but a blank because of abuse. I was homeless by age four, raped beaten literally to death, but I was riped fromthe snares of death.... gang raped, had my bloody naked body thrown onto a highway. kidnapped, you name it..... I am not trying to compare please hear me out. I too had had problems with my husband, same senario. It almost ruined my marriage. I did the counseling thing in and out patient in my life and you are right nothing" worked". I am going to tell you the only way through thi, you may not want to hear this, but it is the truth. the only way the nightmares will stop the only way you will be able to give yourself to your husband, with out that egging thing in your mind, that makes you want to crawl up and hide, the only thing that can take the confusion, pain, anger..... there is only one answer. First, No one has the answer, anyone can give their opinion, you don't need a degree for that, but I write you from experience, totally delivered, and awesome, powerful marriage, and PEACE!!! jESUS IS THE ANSWER! I am not a nut, nor do I wish to prech I am just telling you from my own experience. I realized there had to be more and I could bare the pain. There was a hole in my heart and nothing would fill the void. I told jesus one day" man I want to know you are real, I need help, I can't go on like this, I've been told you love me, please , come in to my life take over, help me heal, heal my marriage, save me, and I will do what ever you wnt man." At that moment I had peace I never had that, I was an insomniac and I slept a whole five hours! It didn't happen over nigt, but I got myself grounded in a goog bible believeing church, met with the pastor adn his wife also at times, allowed the Lord to work on me, adn He gave my husband the strength to deal with me and even support me while I was healing. Decades of counseling couldn't ever do what god di in my life in just a years time. It is work it takes faith and an act of will, You have to be willing to let go of the strongholds you resurrect to protect yourself, it is scary, down right trying at times but if you do not give up I promise you you will finally be free. My whole family has been blessed, because of the true sincere act of faith I too that evening alone. It is a free gift ,salvation was already paid by the blood of Christ . He loves you Anomynous! He really does he'd go through it all again even if it we just for you. Please do not be pffended but I am living proof, of what God can do! You deserve the truth! Manassah
The average rating for this answer is 4.3.