Anonymous asked this question on 4/15/2000:

As a child from ages 4 to 6 I can remember my grandfather crawling on me and from there I've blocked it out. I guss I'm afraid of remembering what he actually did to me. I was almost raped by a family friend at 9 years old. When I was around 7 or 8 years old my aunt made me have sex with her. When I was 11 years old my uncle fondled me, made me take baths with him, made me drink liquor, made me look at playboy magazines, and he wanted to take pictures of me nude. He would take me riding with him and his friends. I wouldn't remember any thing till the next morning at home in my bed. I didn't tell any one is because back in those days noone would have believed me. I totally respected these people and looked up to them like they were my second parents. I'm now 35 years old and I'm not sure who I am anymore. My husband and I can't get along to well anymore because I want come to his every beckon call. My attitude toward men now is just that an attitude. My husband knows about all this but doesn't think it should affect my life now. I've tried counseling. They didn't seem to help me. I can't afford a counselor because of their outragous fees. What makes me so mad is now when I see one of them eveyting is okand should be forgotten. How should I try to get my life back together? I think if I get some of this sorted out my life with my family will get back to normal. Can you help? What would you suggest I do?, As a child from ages 4 to 6 I can remember my grandfather crawling on me and from there I've blocked it out. I guss I'm afraid of remembering what he actually did to me. I was almost raped by a family friend at 9 years old. When I was around 7 or 8 years old my aunt made me have sex with her. When I was 11 years old my uncle fondled me, made me take baths with him, made me drink liquor, made me look at playboy magazines, and he wanted to take pictures of me nude. He would take me riding with him and his friends. I wouldn't remember any thing till the next morning at home in my bed. I didn't tell any one is because back in those days noone would have believed me. I totally respected these people and looked up to them like they were my second parents. I'm now 35 years old and I'm not sure who I am anymore. My husband and I can't get along to well anymore because I want come to his every beckon call. My attitude toward men now is just that an attitude. My husband knows about all this but doesn't think it should affect my life now. I've tried counseling. They didn't seem to help me. I can't afford a counselor because of their outragous fees. What makes me so mad is now when I see one of them eveyting is okand should be forgotten. How should I try to get my life back together? I think if I get some of this sorted out my life with my family will get back to normal. Can you help? What would you suggest I do?

Help4U1 gave this response on 4/15/2000:

I am so very sorry for what you went through. As a survivor of abuse also it is not something you just get over. What you have been through is traumatic and it will take a compassionate and experienced counselor to help you get through this.

Your attitude towards your husband and men is general is quite normal. It's not unusual for traumatic events to really affect us until much later. By blocking events out it is a safety mechanism to protect us. You now are obviously ready to face these events and deal with them. It will be a process (sometimes a long one) for us to face what happened and find a way to heal.

Are there any support groups where you live? Or a woman's shelter? They may have resources available to you where there is no cost. Although there are many places available on the web talking with someone one on one would be my advice as you have so many issues to deal with. Please keep looking to find the right person for anyone dealing with what you are would work with you to help you.

As a survivor for 25 years now it has been very recent for me to finally get help for what I went through. I was told by my husband that it's in the past. But even as we face what happens and learn to heal I've learned it will always be a part of my life, that I can't change but I'm learning to look at myself differently and understanding that I was not at fault. I hope you will find the right person who can give you peace back in your life.

My very best to you. I'll keep you in my thoughts.

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