Anonymous asked this question on 4/15/2000:

As a child from ages 4 to 6 I can remember my grandfather crawling on me and from there I've blocked it out. I guss I'm afraid of remembering what he actually did to me. I was almost raped by a family friend at 9 years old. When I was around 7 or 8 years old my aunt made me have sex with her. When I was 11 years old my uncle fondled me, made me take baths with him, made me drink liquor, made me look at playboy magazines, and he wanted to take pictures of me nude. He would take me riding with him and his friends. I wouldn't remember any thing till the next morning at home in my bed. I didn't tell any one is because back in those days noone would have believed me. I totally respected these people and looked up to them like they were my second parents. I'm now 35 years old and I'm not sure who I am anymore. My husband and I can't get along to well anymore because I want come to his every beckon call. My attitude toward men now is just that an attitude. My husband knows about all this but doesn't think it should affect my life now. I've tried counseling. They didn't seem to help me. I can't afford a counselor because of their outragous fees. What makes me so mad is now when I see one of them eveyting is okand should be forgotten. How should I try to get my life back together? I think if I get some of this sorted out my life with my family will get back to normal. Can you help? What would you suggest I do?, As a child from ages 4 to 6 I can remember my grandfather crawling on me and from there I've blocked it out. I guss I'm afraid of remembering what he actually did to me. I was almost raped by a family friend at 9 years old. When I was around 7 or 8 years old my aunt made me have sex with her. When I was 11 years old my uncle fondled me, made me take baths with him, made me drink liquor, made me look at playboy magazines, and he wanted to take pictures of me nude. He would take me riding with him and his friends. I wouldn't remember any thing till the next morning at home in my bed. I didn't tell any one is because back in those days noone would have believed me. I totally respected these people and looked up to them like they were my second parents. I'm now 35 years old and I'm not sure who I am anymore. My husband and I can't get along to well anymore because I want come to his every beckon call. My attitude toward men now is just that an attitude. My husband knows about all this but doesn't think it should affect my life now. I've tried counseling. They didn't seem to help me. I can't afford a counselor because of their outragous fees. What makes me so mad is now when I see one of them eveyting is okand should be forgotten. How should I try to get my life back together? I think if I get some of this sorted out my life with my family will get back to normal. Can you help? What would you suggest I do?

rainbowlady gave this response on 4/15/2000:

While it may sound lame, if you're therapists are telling you you should be over it, you have horrible therapists. The effects of childhood sexual assault can affect someone YEARS and decades after the abuse stops. It's unrealistic to just tell you to forget it or to get over it. Healing from CSA is a process, not a moment of revelation.

It might help you to get the book "Courage to Heal" by Ellen Bass and Laura Davis. It is a workbook of sorts. The book is designed specifically for female survivors of CSA and has questions and exercises to help you through the process. There are also support groups online in the form of email lists (you can check out www.egroups.com and do a search for survivors of incest), www.delphi.com (you have to join but membership is free) and you can also go surf webrings (pages that are linked together with an HTML code and all relate to a specific topic-- you can search their database for webrings for suvivors.) I have several pages on my HP devoted to being a loved one of a survivor of abuse-- which might help your husband-- and you can visit those pages too. They're at http://www.geocities.com/~rainbowstar/losa/losa.html

If you'd like to talk privately via email you can reach me at rainbow@sgi.net

Love and Light, Rainbowlady

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