huey_vivian asked this question on 4/13/2000:

okay he's my question i left my boyfiend for two weeks stright and then one day me and my friend was in the his car the friends car and he was crying and saying that he would never hit me angain then he left me but he did not want anybody elese he wanted just me in his life but i went back to him the third time around what should i do should i learn to trust him and think things will be okay this time or what?????????????

yourfriend gave this response on 4/15/2000:

HI , FIRST LET ME REMIND YOU THAT THIS IS WHAT I ALWAYS SPEAK OF AND ITS CALLED THE HONEY MOON STAGE. THE FIRST PART OF THIS STAGE IS INCLUDES HIS APOLOGIZES, PRESENTS FOR YOU , TEARS, AND MORE BROKEN PROMISES. THE SECOND PART OF THE STAGE IS THE NAME CALLING AND THE FIGHTING. THE THIRD PART OF IT IS HITTING, AND VIOLENCE. AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST, THE FOURTH PART IS YOU OR HIM LEAVING , UNTIL HE CAN COERCE YOU BACK INTO THE FIRST STAGE ALL OVER AGAIN.

ASK YOURSELF HOW TRUE THIS IS, AFTER YOU TO SPLIT, HOW MANY TIMES DOES HE PROMISE NOT TO DO IT AGAIN, AND THEN TELL YOU HOW SORRY HE IS. THEN TAKE A GOOD LOOK AT WHAT COMES NEXT AFTER A FEW DAYS OR WEEKS INTO HIS PROMISE.

NO ONE CAN TELL YOU TO LEAVE, BUT WE CAN OFFER YOU THE INFORMATION YOU NEED, AND THATS , THAT YOUR BOYFRIEND WILL NOT AND CANNOT CHANGE OVERNIGHT, IT TAKES MANY ABUSERS MANY YEARS TO OVERCOME THEIR SICKNESS,AND VIOLENCE. BECAUSE IN ORDER FOR THEM TO CHANGE THEY HAVE TO GIVE UP OWNERSHIP TO THEIR VICTIMS.

A WONDERFUL NUMBER FOR YOU TO CALL THAT WILL ALSO HELP YOU IS THE DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HOTLINE AT 1-800-799-SAFE. ALSO LOOK UP THE DOMESTIC VIOLENCE WEB PAGES, AND YOU CAN CONTINUE TO LOOK INTO THIS.

PLEASE BE CAREFUL, AND DO NOT LET YOUR GUARD DOWN. BE READY FOR HIS CYCLE TO SPIN AGAIN.

I WISH ONLY THE BEST FOR YOU.

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