Anonymous asked this question on 4/6/2000:
When does critisim become emotional, verbal, and/or mental abuse? I'm a grown woman with a mother who I can't stand. I'ma trim 5'6" 115. I gained 15 last year and was berated constantly about how I was getting fat. I'm still a size 4 she's been a 16 or more my whole life. I'm lazy and unmotivated although I work 60 hours a week at a profesional job. I'm a failure and disappointment even though I'm a high earner and have a graduate degree. She's never had a job in her life, had to go to summer school to finish high school and has literally slept her life away. I've never been good enough, it's suprising I have any self esteem at all. My other sister has moved across country to get away from her and rarely calls. I live in the same town and run into her often, but not on purpose. She bad mouths me to my relatives who have the impression I'm a bum. Is this abuse?
Phoenixguy2000 gave this response on 4/14/2000:
It is not unusual for mothers and daughters to have differences of opinion, but berating, belittling, and making cruel, hurtful remarks far exceeds "differences". It would be interesting to know whether she has been this way all of her life, or is this something fairly new? Is she like this with non-family members as well? Your mother may be suffering from a personality disorder. And there is also the possibility that there is something physically going on with her. She should have a through physical examination. As hurtful as this may be for you, you need to keep in mind that she is still your mother. You may well need to be there for her at some point. It sounds like, on other fronts, your life is progressing nicely. Don't let this affect your own growth as an individual. You may end up having to accept that this is just the way your mother is. Try to be as pleasant as possible when you are around her, and realize that the things your mother says to you are simply not true. Other family members probably do not think the things she says are true, either. This is a sad situation, I really feel sorry for both you and your sister. Keep your emotions in check. Hopefully, something can be done to resolve this situation. Family support is so important.
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