huey_vivian asked this question on 4/13/2000:

okay he's my question i left my boyfiend for two weeks stright and then one day me and my friend was in the his car the friends car and he was crying and saying that he would never hit me angain then he left me but he did not want anybody elese he wanted just me in his life but i went back to him the third time around what should i do should i learn to trust him and think things will be okay this time or what?????????????

Help4U1 gave this response on 4/14/2000:

Hi Huey Vivian,

The thinking that things might be better this next time is very common as abusers will use guilt, remorse and make promises that it will not happen again but this often is not the case. What will be the next thing that will trigger another attack?

It is easy to want to believe these abusers and they can be very persuading and charming but please do not be lulled into a false sense of security. If he has done this once it is likely he will do it again.

If you wish to stay in this relationship I would insist that he go for counseling/anger management.

You must set the rules as to what you will accept as far as his behavior goes.

For most abusers the issue with this type of behavior is power and control. To have a healthy relationship there must be mutual respect for another.

For you as a victim if there is a local women's shelter nearby I would visit there to speak with a counselor as they are there to help women understand these types of relationships and give you invaluable help.

I wish you the very best.

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