huey_vivian asked this question on 4/13/2000:

okay he's my question i left my boyfiend for two weeks stright and then one day me and my friend was in the his car the friends car and he was crying and saying that he would never hit me angain then he left me but he did not want anybody elese he wanted just me in his life but i went back to him the third time around what should i do should i learn to trust him and think things will be okay this time or what?????????????

miaphillips gave this response on 4/14/2000:

Having been in this situation more times than I can care to remember, all I can say to you, is that if you have any respect for yourself: LEAVE HIM!!!!

Once a guy hits you, there's no going back. You tell yourself over and over that he will change, but you know what, even if he doesn't hit you for months or even years, there's always the fear that he will.

I feel that once a guy crosses that boundary (between not hitting a woman - wanting to hit a woman - and actually hitting a woman) then, he's crossed it for good. What's to stop him from doing it again? He's already done it, he knows that he is capable of doing it, so what and who's going to stop him from doing it again?

And don't take that crying crap (sorry about the language, but I am very incensed when it comes to this subject). It's a very powerful and manipulative weapon that all abusive men seem to use. All my abusive partners have used it on me a million times, and a million times I fell for it hook, line and sinker. And did any of them change? No, of course not. Why? Because they know what a sucker I am.

Hitting a woman, gives a man a power trip that is only surpassed by actually killing someone in my books. What does it have to take to convince you that this idiot is no good for you? Do you want to die? Are you prepared to die a meaningless death?

How about a broken leg? Do you like bruises all over your face? How about your self esteem, do you have any of that left still?

My God, get out, and get out today!!! This bastard doesn't deserve you and you owe it to yourself to move on and find someone better.

You're doing the right thing by asking for help. That's always the first step. You obviously knew the answer all along, but you're just wanting reassurance and confirmation. Well, you've got it, and now you have no excuse. Take responsibility for your life today, and get out.

Good Luck MIA

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