Anonymous asked this question on 4/6/2000:
When does critisim become emotional, verbal, and/or mental abuse? I'm a grown woman with a mother who I can't stand. I'ma trim 5'6" 115. I gained 15 last year and was berated constantly about how I was getting fat. I'm still a size 4 she's been a 16 or more my whole life. I'm lazy and unmotivated although I work 60 hours a week at a profesional job. I'm a failure and disappointment even though I'm a high earner and have a graduate degree. She's never had a job in her life, had to go to summer school to finish high school and has literally slept her life away. I've never been good enough, it's suprising I have any self esteem at all. My other sister has moved across country to get away from her and rarely calls. I live in the same town and run into her often, but not on purpose. She bad mouths me to my relatives who have the impression I'm a bum. Is this abuse?
KWIKCLICK gave this response on 4/13/2000:
It becomes abuse when you begin to question your own judgement, instinct, and undermine your own self worth and accomplishments. However, YOU and only YOU can allow this to continue. YOU will never ever change, fix, or show your mom that she is in the wrong. You can let her affect, and infect you with her poisonous words, or as simple as it sounds, you can simply not let it filter into your life. If any relatives, or friends view you through your mothers eyes and lies than where is the loss anyway? You can work on you and keep on keeping on, or you can waste your life away worrying what others think of you and trying to fix the unfixable. YOur true colors will show through so dont focus on your mother, she'll need you in the future when she realizes what a lonely old woman she has become. Practice the Lords Prayer( God grant me the serenity to .....) The words in that verse are all the answers you really need. If you dont know the verse or cant remember it than "Just ask me"! Best of luck
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