Anonymous asked this question on 4/6/2000:

When does critisim become emotional, verbal, and/or mental abuse? I'm a grown woman with a mother who I can't stand. I'ma trim 5'6" 115. I gained 15 last year and was berated constantly about how I was getting fat. I'm still a size 4 she's been a 16 or more my whole life. I'm lazy and unmotivated although I work 60 hours a week at a profesional job. I'm a failure and disappointment even though I'm a high earner and have a graduate degree. She's never had a job in her life, had to go to summer school to finish high school and has literally slept her life away. I've never been good enough, it's suprising I have any self esteem at all. My other sister has moved across country to get away from her and rarely calls. I live in the same town and run into her often, but not on purpose. She bad mouths me to my relatives who have the impression I'm a bum. Is this abuse?

Bubblee gave this response on 4/12/2000:

Hello!

Yes, what you have described is definitely verbal abuse. Your sister had the right idea...to get as far away from it as possible. The most important thing is when it makes you feel bad or uncomfortable - get away from it.

Becoming a parent doesn't give someone the right to belittle a condemn another person, just because that person is your child. In fact, it hurts that much more when it comes from someone you want to love and respect you. Your mother seems to feel like it makes her look better if she can make you look bad. But people who really know both of you can see the differences in what you two have accomplished... It's too bad that your mother can't see that she is scaring the best thing she ever accompished...YOU...

Have you ever talked to your mother and told her how what she is doing makes you feel? Do you think you could have a conversation with her...without accusing her, but just explaining how you FEEL when she talks bad to or about you...and that you want for her to be proud of you. If you can open the lines of communication between the two of you...as two adult women instead of mother/daughter...maybe you could begin to break down some of the walls that have been built up between the two of you.

I hope things get better for you. Good Luck

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