Anonymous asked this question on 4/6/2000:

When does critisim become emotional, verbal, and/or mental abuse? I'm a grown woman with a mother who I can't stand. I'ma trim 5'6" 115. I gained 15 last year and was berated constantly about how I was getting fat. I'm still a size 4 she's been a 16 or more my whole life. I'm lazy and unmotivated although I work 60 hours a week at a profesional job. I'm a failure and disappointment even though I'm a high earner and have a graduate degree. She's never had a job in her life, had to go to summer school to finish high school and has literally slept her life away. I've never been good enough, it's suprising I have any self esteem at all. My other sister has moved across country to get away from her and rarely calls. I live in the same town and run into her often, but not on purpose. She bad mouths me to my relatives who have the impression I'm a bum. Is this abuse?

Patti_Ja gave this response on 4/12/2000:

The answer to this is yes...this is mental and emotional abuse, long duration. It is possible that your mother has some mental health issues. Certainly the sleeping and weight are indicative of depression. You do not have legal responsibility to support mom...so finally the choice comes down to why you are still there. I stayed for years of sexual abuse because I wanted to protect and care for an ill mother...I ended up hating everyone, including me...Therapy for you might make a bigger difference than just helping you get some of that self esteem that you so richly desersve...it also might serve as a way to help your mom. By taking care of yourself you may serve as an example to your mother about she can take care of herself

The average rating for this answer is 4.