Anonymous asked this question on 4/6/2000:

When does critisim become emotional, verbal, and/or mental abuse? I'm a grown woman with a mother who I can't stand. I'ma trim 5'6" 115. I gained 15 last year and was berated constantly about how I was getting fat. I'm still a size 4 she's been a 16 or more my whole life. I'm lazy and unmotivated although I work 60 hours a week at a profesional job. I'm a failure and disappointment even though I'm a high earner and have a graduate degree. She's never had a job in her life, had to go to summer school to finish high school and has literally slept her life away. I've never been good enough, it's suprising I have any self esteem at all. My other sister has moved across country to get away from her and rarely calls. I live in the same town and run into her often, but not on purpose. She bad mouths me to my relatives who have the impression I'm a bum. Is this abuse?

trii gave this response on 4/11/2000:

She is abusive and you should stand up to her and tell her off. Tell her that if she has nothing nice to say then she should keep her trap shut. If she won't stop the abusive behavior, tell her you don't want to have anything to do with her anymore. You are in control of your own life. If you don't want to be abused, then do something about it. If you run into her in public, ignore her and go about your business. You can't change her, but you can help yourself by refusing to listen to her.

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