Anonymous asked this question on 4/6/2000:

When does critisim become emotional, verbal, and/or mental abuse? I'm a grown woman with a mother who I can't stand. I'ma trim 5'6" 115. I gained 15 last year and was berated constantly about how I was getting fat. I'm still a size 4 she's been a 16 or more my whole life. I'm lazy and unmotivated although I work 60 hours a week at a profesional job. I'm a failure and disappointment even though I'm a high earner and have a graduate degree. She's never had a job in her life, had to go to summer school to finish high school and has literally slept her life away. I've never been good enough, it's suprising I have any self esteem at all. My other sister has moved across country to get away from her and rarely calls. I live in the same town and run into her often, but not on purpose. She bad mouths me to my relatives who have the impression I'm a bum. Is this abuse?

rainbowlady gave this response on 4/7/2000:

I personally consider it verbal and emotional abuse. It is due, in large part, I'm sure, to the fact that you are everything that your mother wishes she could have been and is not. She is jealous of what you have accomplished and of your looks and success and rather than do something to "bring herself up to your level" she has to bring you down to hers...or below. Your mother's self-esteem is much lower than yours, and I'm sure that part of your success is do to your efforts to please her over the years. I feel sorry for your mother. You obviously have an inner strength that she is lacking.

Love and Light, Rainbowlady

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