Anonymous asked this question on 4/6/2000:
When does critisim become emotional, verbal, and/or mental abuse? I'm a grown woman with a mother who I can't stand. I'ma trim 5'6" 115. I gained 15 last year and was berated constantly about how I was getting fat. I'm still a size 4 she's been a 16 or more my whole life. I'm lazy and unmotivated although I work 60 hours a week at a profesional job. I'm a failure and disappointment even though I'm a high earner and have a graduate degree. She's never had a job in her life, had to go to summer school to finish high school and has literally slept her life away. I've never been good enough, it's suprising I have any self esteem at all. My other sister has moved across country to get away from her and rarely calls. I live in the same town and run into her often, but not on purpose. She bad mouths me to my relatives who have the impression I'm a bum. Is this abuse?
tcsmpsi gave this response on 4/7/2000:
To first answer your question, if it feels like abuse, it IS abuse. From what little you have mentioned, it would seem that much of this is stemming from your mother's own lack of self esteem. Rather than to admit this to herself, it is 'easier' to lash out at you. Unfortunately, it is not really 'easier' as it is most impossible for her to truly rationalize this behavior within her own being. Therefore, leading to more frustration and confussion. Anytime you find yourself faced with abusive behavior from others, and understand that it is abusive and detrimental to your own well-being, it is time to make some decisions. You are not this person that she tells you and others that you are, are you? Certainly not. Remember this always, and that she probably has very little credence with others, though they may act around her like she does. Coming in contact with abusive behavior toward you is much like putting your hand in a sanding wheel. It hurts. Though she is your mother, the #1 rule is, don't allow yourself to be abused. Contact me if you would like to speak more on this. tcsmpsi
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