Anonymous asked this question on 4/6/2000:

When does critisim become emotional, verbal, and/or mental abuse? I'm a grown woman with a mother who I can't stand. I'ma trim 5'6" 115. I gained 15 last year and was berated constantly about how I was getting fat. I'm still a size 4 she's been a 16 or more my whole life. I'm lazy and unmotivated although I work 60 hours a week at a profesional job. I'm a failure and disappointment even though I'm a high earner and have a graduate degree. She's never had a job in her life, had to go to summer school to finish high school and has literally slept her life away. I've never been good enough, it's suprising I have any self esteem at all. My other sister has moved across country to get away from her and rarely calls. I live in the same town and run into her often, but not on purpose. She bad mouths me to my relatives who have the impression I'm a bum. Is this abuse?

Liveagain gave this response on 4/7/2000:

Yes, this is emotional abuse. Usually, the ones who do this are the individuals who have accomplished nothing in their lives, having everyone else do everything for them. There is a jealousy and envy factor there which adds "fuel to the fire" so to speak. You didn't say if your mother had sisters. This is a competition thing. She doesn't look at you as being her daughter, she looks at you as just being another female. If you had been a male child, this wouldn't have happened. I know exactly what you're saying. If you ask her, she'd tell you that she has conquered the world and you have done nothing. There is nothing that you can do to change her. I know that you can't close your ears to this, but just remember she is your mother and it's her problem not yours. Put this in Gods hands. He will help you.

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