Anonymous asked this question on 4/6/2000:
When does critisim become emotional, verbal, and/or mental abuse? I'm a grown woman with a mother who I can't stand. I'ma trim 5'6" 115. I gained 15 last year and was berated constantly about how I was getting fat. I'm still a size 4 she's been a 16 or more my whole life. I'm lazy and unmotivated although I work 60 hours a week at a profesional job. I'm a failure and disappointment even though I'm a high earner and have a graduate degree. She's never had a job in her life, had to go to summer school to finish high school and has literally slept her life away. I've never been good enough, it's suprising I have any self esteem at all. My other sister has moved across country to get away from her and rarely calls. I live in the same town and run into her often, but not on purpose. She bad mouths me to my relatives who have the impression I'm a bum. Is this abuse?
Brandie gave this response on 4/7/2000:
Critisim becomes abuse when people try to degrade or put you down. Your gaining a few pounds has nothing to do with you being a good person. Nor does losing weight make you a better person. Weight has nothing to do with your charactor. In my oppinion the things you do in life are what define you. Sounds to me like you are very motivated, intelligent, succesful and someone to be proud to have as a daughter. Maybe the reason your mother bad mouths you is because she is jealous of you and your accomplishments. Your mother might resent the fact that you are not dependant on her. Whatever her reasons she is deffinately abusing you emotionally and verbally. Sounds to me you should be very proud of yourself you have thrived in spite of a very negative mother. Anyone can see you have a very strong inner strength you are a good example of a woman who overcame the odds instead of letting the odds overcome you. Keep your head held high, you are a winner!!
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