Anonymous asked this question on 4/6/2000:

When does critisim become emotional, verbal, and/or mental abuse? I'm a grown woman with a mother who I can't stand. I'ma trim 5'6" 115. I gained 15 last year and was berated constantly about how I was getting fat. I'm still a size 4 she's been a 16 or more my whole life. I'm lazy and unmotivated although I work 60 hours a week at a profesional job. I'm a failure and disappointment even though I'm a high earner and have a graduate degree. She's never had a job in her life, had to go to summer school to finish high school and has literally slept her life away. I've never been good enough, it's suprising I have any self esteem at all. My other sister has moved across country to get away from her and rarely calls. I live in the same town and run into her often, but not on purpose. She bad mouths me to my relatives who have the impression I'm a bum. Is this abuse?

johnrecover gave this response on 4/6/2000:

I agree it is all 3. Are you aware that no one can abuse you if you don't let them. They are taking space up in your head and not paying any rent for it. That would make me mad. This is a double edged sword. First of all your mother is somewhat of a failure and you are not, that is called a resentment. It is like taking poison and waiting for your enemies to die. Second, she is jealous of your suceess and wonders why she was not able to pursue her own dreams as you have. Parents tell their children they want to see them make it, but sometimes I run into a parent that really meant, don't make it farther than I did. Good luck, John Stop the competition, this isn't a race and you need to take care of you and let her do what she is going to do anyway and that is be miserable.

The average rating for this answer is 5.