Anonymous asked this question on 4/6/2000:
When does critisim become emotional, verbal, and/or mental abuse? I'm a grown woman with a mother who I can't stand. I'ma trim 5'6" 115. I gained 15 last year and was berated constantly about how I was getting fat. I'm still a size 4 she's been a 16 or more my whole life. I'm lazy and unmotivated although I work 60 hours a week at a profesional job. I'm a failure and disappointment even though I'm a high earner and have a graduate degree. She's never had a job in her life, had to go to summer school to finish high school and has literally slept her life away. I've never been good enough, it's suprising I have any self esteem at all. My other sister has moved across country to get away from her and rarely calls. I live in the same town and run into her often, but not on purpose. She bad mouths me to my relatives who have the impression I'm a bum. Is this abuse?
yourfriend gave this response on 4/6/2000:
Dear Anonymous,
This is considered mental abuse, and as a small child I bet that it was also happening, but when your small you tend to trust parents, and their so called words of wisdom.
It sounds to me like your mother is very jealous of you and your life that you have made for yourself, it also sounds as if she is punishing you for her decisions in her life, which, as much as she has already made you do this, you cannot live to please a person whom refuses to only see negativity in anyones and everyones lives.
It sounds as if you have done good for yourself and you should be proud, even though I know from personal expeirence that disapproval from family memebers is very bothersome to ones self esteem and soul. You wonder what you could of done so wrong to make them so unhappy. Well YOU< did nothing wrong, she chooses to be miserable, and she is trying to make company, just like the saying goes, "Misery loves Company".
The suggestion I offer to this is to try to look forward while you continue fullfilling your own dreams, without looking for her acceptance, because you may never get it. Another way to let out this anger she is causing you is to write her a letter, write your true feelings on paper, and then if you want throw it out, burn it, or if you feel confident then mail it to her. Let her know how she is hurting you , and she doesn't seem to notice this.
Again, move on, let her be miserable, and if at all possible, if you see her in public, walk away, find an excuse to leave immediately so that she cannot hurt you again, as your walking away, smile and be proud of your self for proving her wrong, and being successful. But mostly smile and pat yourself on the back, because you have don such a good job with your life, even your mother is jealous. lol.
Be proud, of Yourself.
The average rating for this answer is 5.