Anonymous asked this question on 4/6/2000:

When does critisim become emotional, verbal, and/or mental abuse? I'm a grown woman with a mother who I can't stand. I'ma trim 5'6" 115. I gained 15 last year and was berated constantly about how I was getting fat. I'm still a size 4 she's been a 16 or more my whole life. I'm lazy and unmotivated although I work 60 hours a week at a profesional job. I'm a failure and disappointment even though I'm a high earner and have a graduate degree. She's never had a job in her life, had to go to summer school to finish high school and has literally slept her life away. I've never been good enough, it's suprising I have any self esteem at all. My other sister has moved across country to get away from her and rarely calls. I live in the same town and run into her often, but not on purpose. She bad mouths me to my relatives who have the impression I'm a bum. Is this abuse?

lilsis_mv gave this response on 4/6/2000:

It sounds to me like your mother is jealous of your accomplishments. Yes, what you discribed is verbal abuse, but your mother is berating you when she should be praising you. Maybe she didn't think her children would or could do any better than herself. Or she is taking her frustrations out on you because she only wished she could do as well. If you are close to your other relatives, then they should know that you are not a "bum". Maybe you and your mother should have a heart to heart talk. Let her know that she is hurting you. I hope things with your mother change, for both your sakes.

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