bubble0@... asked this question on 4/3/2000:
I have a boyfriend of 3yrs.We have 4 girls(2 were from a previous marriage)2 years ago he would start to have angry eppisodes,pick an argument with me and take away my car keys(fearing that i would leave)These eppisodes happen every couple of months.However they are progressivly getting worse.Our last argument started because he couldn't find his hat and our house was a mess(our oldest child is 4yrs old and our youngest is 5 mnths old).I have a very difficult time keeping the house clean between him and the girls.anyway to make a long story short he trashed the entire house.He broke some vcr tapes,a granite tabletop(with everything still on it,including our dinner)Even the inside of the refridgerator suffered damage.I was left to clean up a huge mess.he also threatened to hit me.Last night he again threatened to hit me after we had a disagrement.He left and later came back,and i asked him if he would ever actaully hit me.He said that he would(he didn't even have to think about the question before he answered it)After giving this brief dialog of my situation do I have anything to fear of him or am I worried over nothing?, I have a boyfriend of 3yrs.We have 4 girls(2 were from a previous marriage)2 years ago he would start to have angry eppisodes,pick an argument with me and take away my car keys(fearing that i would leave)These eppisodes happen every couple of months.However they are progressivly getting worse.Our last argument started because he couldn't find his hat and our house was a mess(our oldest child is 4yrs old and our youngest is 5 mnths old).I have a very difficult time keeping the house clean between him and the girls.anyway to make a long story short he trashed the entire house.He broke some vcr tapes,a granite tabletop(with everything still on it,including our dinner)Even the inside of the refridgerator suffered damage.I was left to clean up a huge mess.he also threatened to hit me.Last night he again threatened to hit me after we had a disagrement.He left and later came back,and i asked him if he would ever actaully hit me.He said that he would(he didn't even have to think about the question before he answered it)After giving this brief dialog of my situation do I have anything to fear of him or am I worried over nothing?
wwnelsonfive11 gave this response on 4/3/2000:
Dear Bubbleo:
I need to be very frank with you upfront. Yes, you do have something to worry about! The unfortunate thing is that you are involved with him more than just dating. It's going to be hard for you to make the moves necessary to protect yourself and your children! But you need to make the moves as quickly as possible.
First. You already have a clue as to your future. His abuse is getting worse! Very rarely do abusers change without something major happening. They don't just go get help. And HELP is what he needs. I didn't hear you say whether you had asked him to get help. This should be your first move. However, realize that abusers rarely get help by themselves.
Second. You need to get yourself and your children away from him until he does get help. And, by "help", I mean professional help. Don't try to help him yourself.
I realize that this may be a financial problem for you, but you need to find a way. There are many professionals that can and will help you make this move. I don't mean that you necessarily need to move out of your place. It would be better that he make the move. But don't get high expectations. It is likely that he won't agree. But you must think of your own safety and that of your children. Please make the moves quickly before someone gets truly hurt.
bubble0@... asked this follow-up question on 4/3/2000:
I have asked him to get help severl times.He has already been abusive to our children(the've had bruises from being hit,my 2 yr old has had 2 black eyes from the same hit to the face)I've talked to his father about this and he told me that my boyfriends grandfather was the same way.Is this herreditaie?How can I get out of this situation?I have no money,and nowear to go.Both of these things are very important with 4 kids.I also have no friends I can turn to for help.(This is thanks to my ex-husband and what I went through with him)
wwnelsonfive11 gave this response on 4/4/2000:
BubbleO:
I started to answer your follow-up question, but I got dropped by AOL. You may get two answers from me.
I was saying that it is even more important now to get out of this relationship ASAP!
There are many communities with agencies and shelters you can turn to. And don't forget the court system, as well. Your community may be able to help you with an attorney. Since I don't know what community you are in, I can't make a specific recommendation. (If you want to contact me and let me know what area you live in I might be able to make some recommendations) You might want to start with your phone book's yellow pages under "Counseling", "Family Services" or "Abuse Hot-Lines". Your local welfare office can be of help as well. Also, many womens clinics and even hospitals have referrals to the right agencies.
The key for you is to move quickly, and, I hate to say this, QUIETLY as well. Don't give him any clues or he'll try to make it very hard on you.
Just remember, you and your children don't deserve this abuse and you need to protect yourself and your children.
I wish you success.
William Nelson
bubble0@... asked this follow-up question on 4/4/2000:
Ilive a couple blocks away from down town San Antonio.
wwnelsonfive11 gave this response on 4/4/2000:
BubbleO:
Thank you for responding. I will do some checking in that area and I will get back with you tomorrow.
Thanks,
William
bubble0@... asked this follow-up question on 4/4/2000:
Thank-you!
wwnelsonfive11 gave this response on 4/6/2000:
BubbleO:
I wasn't able to get the answer until today. Sorry it took so long.
I contacted a hot-line in Fort Worth. The phone number is (817) 460-5566. Can get you in touch with the Battered Women Shelter in your area. They have on-site attorneys that can help you legally, on-site counselors that can advise you on just how to get out of there, they can provide every bit of assistance you will need to protect yourself and your kids.
The key is: You have to make the phone call. That's it! They will take about 3 minutes over the phone to interview you and then you and your children will be safe. And they will help you find work, a new place to stay, medical help.....everything.
Please make that call ASAP!
Good Luck
William
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