capntom asked this question on 4/3/2000:

Evening Xperts,I was just wondering, it appears to me that there seems to be a large segment of the people who ask us questions are women with abusive boyfriends or husbands. My question is why do women insist in staying in abusive enviroments. My job during the day is working in a Salvation Army Shelter as the director of security with A daily flow of 1100 clients, it boggles my mind when i watch these women get tormented by their mates, Yet they stay and take it

jellygator gave this response on 4/6/2000:

I stayed (for a while) because of a variety of reasons. I didn't want to be "mean". As silly as that sounds, women are socialized to be "nice" all their lives. Some are raised to depend upon a man for their own sense of identity. Also, after every blowup there is a "honeymoon" stage. This produces a "high" for the abused person, who is told she's the most important, beautiful person in the world and the only one that can help him and understand him. Abusers are extremely good at sensing another person's weaknesses and play on them perfectly. If she needs to feel needed, he will need her more than she's ever been needed before. If she needs to feel beautiful, he'll shower her with gifts. The list goes on and on. But these are often needs that have not been met by others in the woman's life, and media portrayals of "real" love have helped her expectations become unrealistic.

A level-headed partner won't call in from work to be with her once a month, or spend $100 a month on flowers when his income is only $800 a month. But an abuser will...

The average rating for this answer is 5.

capntom rated this answer a 5.