Anonymous asked this question on 4/5/2000:

I have a boyfriend, we have been together a year now, and I love him very much, but there is just something I am not sure about, this is a problem, let me explain, Everytime that I have money, I like to buy myself something nice, but when he knows this he asks for something too, he will pick something like a child in a candy store, I tell him I was going to buy me something with it, he says"It is only $50, besides I gave you money last time to spend, and I'm taking you to dinner. But for some reason I always have to give money. I hate this, what can I do??? Any help will be appreciated.

rainbowlady gave this response on 4/6/2000:

He is emotionally manipulating you and that is a form of abuse. He is making you feel guilty for doing something nice for yourself instead of for him. In this way, he's putting himself ahead of you you and making you "second" to him. The next time you have money and he says he wants something, say "Gifts are given freely with no strings attached. If you gave it to me because you wanted something in return, it is not a gift and you can have it back. If you are taking me to dinner to get something in return, I will go home and eat alone." It may mean giving up some of the things he gave you, but it's either that or give up your soul. He will, as time goes on, exert more and more control over your life and soon you will find yourself questioning everything you do-- and doubting your abilit to make any good decisions. That, if not before, is when the physical abuse will start....

Love and Light, Rainbowlady

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