Anonymous asked this question on 4/2/2000:

What is going on in my boyfriend's head? On one side, he is very sweet and expressive and tells me he loves me constantly. Then, is explosive, controlling, verbally abusive. For example, spend two days with him and everythings great, then, when he comes to my house to show me answers to my questions on my computer, takes over without letting me show him what I've been doing possibly wrong, so he can explain it the correct way. Suddenly says, "shut the f*** up! Gets angry before I know what's going on, grabs my glasses on my face, bends them and pulls them off my face. He hits me twice, on the chest, but not hard enough to hurt me. He has gotten mad and explodes all the time but always calms down. I tell him he needs medication, and counseling but he rejects that notion. His mother was very controlling he says and his father very gentle. I believe that. There is no excuse the way he behaves. When this happens, I won't see him for a while and he always gets me to come back to him by telling me he over reacted and loves me. I want to tell him I don't won't him to call me again until he has gotten counseling for a year and knows he was abusive and has learned to conrol his temper. Other that this terrible side of him he is a great person. He is 59 years old. I tell him he will grow old alone because he won't change. Is there a good book out there to read that gives a person insight into abusive behavior? I need to move on because I deserve better. I need to know if therapy changes people like this permanently if they choose and what is the success rate?

Manassah gave this response on 4/6/2000:

Hello, Listen first and for most no medication can help him. the reasons for his behavior can come from numerous experiences from the past you have no idea what you are up against.Honestly his bouts scare me. you can't fix him do you understand that hun? you can't change him. He needs a miracle to heal his wounded heart.Yes he is hurting he is wounded there is so much crap trapped inside of him he doesn't know what to do or how to handle it so he does what most peolpe do with supressed agressive emotions, he snaps. He can't change it eithe rit is out of even his control. only Jesus Christ can heal and change him. I ma not into preaching. I am speaking via experience. I used to be very violent. I was very leathel. it wasn't through counselors though some did help a little, or medication( it just made things worse) Only when I allowed Christ to rule and reign in my life did I and my friends and family begin to see a change . He is the only one with the answers to the real deep problems that you face . you asked if there are any good books to read. I recommend the bible. The life application version is easier to understand. There is no easier way out you have a decision to make can I remain where I am at without enedangering my own life, or do I need to remove myself from the situation to be healed as well.I pray you make the correct decision for the both of you. Take courage,

Manassah

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