shelly@... asked this question on 4/4/2000:

I have an eight year old girl that is very violent towords others, she yells alot, and always lies, even about the smallest things that dont even matter. she is very hard to hold, and hug. She is a very bright little girl. She has been on Riddlen, and prozac, both seem not to help. I tried counseling, she just lies about every thing, I MEAN EVERY THING! I've tried time out, spankings, talking to her, taking things she likes. She isn't attached to any thing. Some times i wonder if she even loves any one. She was raised by her father, but her went to jail, and i've had her for two years. i try to hold her and love her, she seem like she rejects the attention. I want desperately to help my daughter, befor it's to late. the most important things for her to have when she grows up is respect for her self and others ( she must care about some thing)and a good education. She has no respect, and is always being kicked out of school. If you have some thing more I can try, PLEASE help. JUST A WORRIED MOM

lakers asked for clarification on 4/4/2000: First, was the father the primary caretaker of this little girl during the first part of her life? What was her environment like then? Since he is in jail, what is it for? What type of people was she exposed to during the formative years of her life? How does she interact with other children and adults? Does her hostility seem confined to one particular type of person: i.e. men, women, children? Was she ever exposed to or used illegal drugs? Was she ever sexually abused? What are her likes/dislikes? How are her grades in school and her demeanor while at school?

Thank you for answering these follow-up questions. They will give me a more complete picture of your daughter and I may be able to give you some assistance.

lakers gave this response on 4/5/2000:

After reading your first question, the reason I asked about child molestation is that the behavior you were describing sounded like that would be the cause.

There are many behavioral indicators of sexual molest: unusual interest/knowledge of sexual activity inappropriate to a child's age, seductive behavior, weight gain or loss, sleep disturbance/nightmares, depression, anger, irritability, reluctance to go places, avoidance of people etc.

In addition to being a molest victim, I guessed that the environment your daughter was raised in, with a father who is a criminal, contributes to her lying. Your daughter's childhood experiences has formed who she is today. She may have observed violence, or been the victim of violence, in the home as well. This would make her think that violence is an option and a means of expressing her feelings.

The best thing to do is contact a child psychiatrist, not a psychologist, who specializes in working with children who have been abused/molested. There are issues specific to these children that need to be addressed.

I commend you for your concern and attempts to do the right thing for this girl. Set firm guidelines, no matter how tough it is. This girl wants to be loved, but is testing you at every turn because she probably doesn't believe she is worthy of love and affection. Don't quit trying. Find praise to give her in the smallest of good things she does. Give her positive reinforcement. But be sure and let her know the rules and stick by them. Consistency counts.

As a former prosecutor, that is about all the advice I can give you. It is best to speak to a qualified mental health professional. Also, look on the Internet for support groups/advice for victims of abuse/molest. They will be able to send information to you that may assist in your care of your daughter.

Best of luck.

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