capntom asked this question on 4/3/2000:

Evening Xperts,I was just wondering, it appears to me that there seems to be a large segment of the people who ask us questions are women with abusive boyfriends or husbands. My question is why do women insist in staying in abusive enviroments. My job during the day is working in a Salvation Army Shelter as the director of security with A daily flow of 1100 clients, it boggles my mind when i watch these women get tormented by their mates, Yet they stay and take it

d_ottr gave this response on 4/4/2000:

This is kind of an easy question-

It is all about empowerment. An abusive, controling mate takes over the life of his/her mate, and destroys the mate's esteem. The abused has no self confidence, and feels they must rely upon the abuser for all human needs, such as financial means, shelter, and ironically LOVE. The first step to recovery for the abused is to get back their life: get back self-esteem, understand they CAN stand alone, and there just might be someone else out there who will care for them in the way they deserve. The abused must be EMPOWERED to take their life back. That is the role of the shelter and counsellors there. MY job is to make sure the SOB doesn't do it again!

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capntom rated this answer a 5.