capntom asked this question on 4/3/2000:

Evening Xperts,I was just wondering, it appears to me that there seems to be a large segment of the people who ask us questions are women with abusive boyfriends or husbands. My question is why do women insist in staying in abusive enviroments. My job during the day is working in a Salvation Army Shelter as the director of security with A daily flow of 1100 clients, it boggles my mind when i watch these women get tormented by their mates, Yet they stay and take it

yourfriend gave this response on 4/4/2000:

Many times it is not that these woman stay and take it. Abused woman are very afraid of the circumstances when and if they leave their abusers, many will say they have no money, place to go etc. It is also proven that after a woman gets abused they go through what is called a honeymoon stage with the abusers. First after the abuse has occured, the abuser will then promise to never do it again, make passionate love to the victim, buy her presents, and then for a few days, and i do mean only a few this behavior of being truly sorry will continue, then the second stage to this is the abuser will start to complain more, and the woman will try harder so that they can have the honeymoon, back. But by this time the woman are so confused that they will blame themselfs, much to often. The woman feel that it is their fault, they should of cleaned house better, cooked better, loved better, cleaned up better, or should not of brought home the beer for him. It is a cycle, also many times the victims lose family and friends due to this, because like you the family and or friends don't understand it, and they get tired of hearing or trying to help when they know she will return to him. That is why at shelters, and in DV. counseling you will never hear the woman be told that she should leave, or why, or even that she is stupid, to go back. These woman are victims of more then just bruises and breaks physically. They a broken inside as well, they have no belief in them selfs because the abuser has already taken that from the very beginning before the physical abuse starts. The woman are scared to death to leave, because the ones who are being hit, are also being told they will die if they leave them. It takes alot for a victim to finally go and stay from the situation, and then to not become a victim again from the court system . They should not be blamed for staying, when in this day and age, the abuser should be blamed and punished but it doesn't work that way. Restraining orders are very often not strong enough to help. Abusers do not care if they are served with one. To them it is a challange to and an opportunity to use this as an excuse for their own rages.

I hope I helped to answer these questions for you.

The average rating for this answer is 5.

capntom rated this answer a 5.