Anonymous asked this question on 4/2/2000:
What is going on in my boyfriend's head? On one side, he is very sweet and expressive and tells me he loves me constantly. Then, is explosive, controlling, verbally abusive. For example, spend two days with him and everythings great, then, when he comes to my house to show me answers to my questions on my computer, takes over without letting me show him what I've been doing possibly wrong, so he can explain it the correct way. Suddenly says, "shut the f*** up! Gets angry before I know what's going on, grabs my glasses on my face, bends them and pulls them off my face. He hits me twice, on the chest, but not hard enough to hurt me. He has gotten mad and explodes all the time but always calms down. I tell him he needs medication, and counseling but he rejects that notion. His mother was very controlling he says and his father very gentle. I believe that. There is no excuse the way he behaves. When this happens, I won't see him for a while and he always gets me to come back to him by telling me he over reacted and loves me. I want to tell him I don't won't him to call me again until he has gotten counseling for a year and knows he was abusive and has learned to conrol his temper. Other that this terrible side of him he is a great person. He is 59 years old. I tell him he will grow old alone because he won't change. Is there a good book out there to read that gives a person insight into abusive behavior? I need to move on because I deserve better. I need to know if therapy changes people like this permanently if they choose and what is the success rate?
Terry44 gave this response on 4/3/2000:
It sounds like he has some major problems. I don't really think he will change at his age. I beleive you need to decide for yourself whether you want to have a partner or a project. You sound like a extemely smart woman. I can only speak from my experience. I was with a man for approx. 5 years and he was extremly violent. He even gave me a black eye and bloody nose when I was 6 months pregnant!!! I finally left him after my daughter was born because I didn't want her to be raised in a violent home. By the way he was also a very, very wealthy man. It was the best decision I ever made. I learned alot from that relationship. Money is nothing, if your not happy. He went on to get another woman pregnant that has been with him for almost 20 years and guess what it hasn't changed a thing. He still beats her, goes out with other women and is a very miserable person. She is finally leaving him although she is like 42 years old now. She was raised in a different type of family then me. Her father used to beat her mom and was in and out of prison, unlike my dad who was just basically a alcoholic. There is somebody in this world for everyone. I'm so grateful today that I left him when I did, our daughter is not only beautiful on the outside but also on the inside. Unfortuanetly his son has grown up to be just like his dad and a herion addict to boot.
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