Anonymous asked this question on 4/2/2000:

What is going on in my boyfriend's head? On one side, he is very sweet and expressive and tells me he loves me constantly. Then, is explosive, controlling, verbally abusive. For example, spend two days with him and everythings great, then, when he comes to my house to show me answers to my questions on my computer, takes over without letting me show him what I've been doing possibly wrong, so he can explain it the correct way. Suddenly says, "shut the f*** up! Gets angry before I know what's going on, grabs my glasses on my face, bends them and pulls them off my face. He hits me twice, on the chest, but not hard enough to hurt me. He has gotten mad and explodes all the time but always calms down. I tell him he needs medication, and counseling but he rejects that notion. His mother was very controlling he says and his father very gentle. I believe that. There is no excuse the way he behaves. When this happens, I won't see him for a while and he always gets me to come back to him by telling me he over reacted and loves me. I want to tell him I don't won't him to call me again until he has gotten counseling for a year and knows he was abusive and has learned to conrol his temper. Other that this terrible side of him he is a great person. He is 59 years old. I tell him he will grow old alone because he won't change. Is there a good book out there to read that gives a person insight into abusive behavior? I need to move on because I deserve better. I need to know if therapy changes people like this permanently if they choose and what is the success rate?

Liveagain gave this response on 4/3/2000:

At the age this man is now, it's not very likely that his behavior will change. If he is doing this to you now, just think what it would actually be if you were living with him on a full time basis. He has probably been and will be a woman abuser his entire lifetime. My advise to you is to let this one alone. You can't change people, only they can change themselves. Obviously, he enjoys being like this and has been succussful at it his entire lifetime, or he would have already changed. We classify him as being a woman abuser. This man could hurt you physically, mentally and spiritually. You need to get away from this. The only person who can help this man to change at his age is God. Much luck to you.

The average rating for this answer is 3.