niki6 asked this question on 3/28/2000:
i was abused. i left, and i now have a wonderful man, i've had conseling but sometimes i still fear he's going come after me, how can deal and overcome this?
AngelRose34 gave this response on 3/29/2000:
Dear niki6,
I know this sounds alittle corny but time is the perfect healer. I never did go to counseling and it took a special man to help me get over it. The most important thing that I feel helped me was being able to talk about it. You have to tell someone what happened to you so that it is no longer a "secret" between you and the abuser. Once you expose the abuse and realize that you did not deserve it and that you are not excepting the abuse any more you begin to heal. The road is long and hard getting over abuse. It pays on your mind when certain events happen and you flash back to a time when you would get hit for something similar to that. I had to talk about it to a friend and as hard as it is I had to tell my husband. But that is when I noticed that some of the pain and humiliation that goes along with the pain starts to ease up and you start to look at it in a different light because you realize that you were the victom and not deserving of it. I know the fear that you speak about and it is not an easy task to get over. I had to look behind my shoulder many a times thinking he was lurking somewhere in the shadow. I know that you don't believe it but it does get easier everyday. But each day is a step up in the right direction. You have to let yourself get over the fear alittle bit at a time. Reasure yourself all the time by saying that he is not going to hurt me anymore because I am a different person now and I will not let him do this to me anymore. You do however need to be cautious because you do not want to let your guard down either. You did not say how long ago the abuse was so I don't want you to think that he will never come out of the shadows. You really need to keep yourself save at all times. Have someone with you for awhile until you start feeling more comfortable with yourself being alone. I did not have the option of having anyone with me so I just looked over my shoulder all the time. I am not going to tell you that it is going to be easy but it does get easier. Please believe me on that because it does. Let your new boyfriend treat you the way that you should have been along time ago. In that I mean don't say anything negative about yourself. You have come a long way from the abuse and you deserve to be treated with respect and let your old happy and joyious self imerge from the past. Get to know who you used to be before the abuse. I did and I am just as silly as I was when I was a kid always making people laugh. You need to laugh and enjoy your life. I am proud of you for getting out. You did yourself a favor that can never be repaid. Now stick to it and enjoy your life. You will do good. You already have by finding a wonderful new companion.
I wish you all the best of luck. If you need someone to talk to anytime. Just drop me another line and say hello. Or whatever you want to talk about. I will be here for you.
Blessings, AngelRose
niki6 asked this follow-up question on 3/30/2000:
i was with that man for 5 yrs, 3 were of abuse, i haven't been around him for 2. he sends child support, so i'm still connected to him- though i'm trying to figure out how to terminate his rights, my son has problems due to him, my new man is now my husband, he is wonderful and i have told him just about everything,i have gotten past the abuse issue, i know true love really doesn't hurt, but every now and again, i have nightmares or just can't shake the feeling that he's coming after me. i fled the state and live at least 200 miles away,my husband would never let any one hurt me, especially him, but does that "haunting" feeling ever really go away?
AngelRose34 gave this response on 3/31/2000:
Yes, it does eventually go away. The longer you are away from him the better it gets. The easier it gets. Everything from that life will slowly fade away until it is just a film of smoke. I have been away from it for 14 years now and I very rarely ever think about it and when I do it does not scare me it just angers me. But I gotta tell you that I very rarely think about it. My life is so full now that I don't have time for the bad times to reflect in my life now. You will see it will get better with each passing day. Everyday brings a fresh begining and a new light on your face. I know it gets better, I have truly been there. So good news is in your future. God Bless.
Blessings, AngelRose
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