Anonymous asked this question on 3/28/2000:

Lately my boyfriend and I have been getting along so-so it angers him that when he calls I am either not home or to far to hear the phone, he talls me that I better be here at a certain time because he hates waiting, and this is so weird because he is so sweet, but his emotional outbursts are a problem.

snowbird gave this response on 3/28/2000:

I would like to give my opinion about what I think is going on with your boyfriend.

He is either insecure about himself or he is changing and becoming controlling. For any person to tell another to be at a certain place at a certain time is controlling. If you were a child, then I could see him telling you where to be at what time.

Maybe you should ask him if he is physically alright. If he is not sick, then the way I see it he is becoming controlling. He may be wanting to see if you still care for him by wanting you by the phone when he does call. That is showing insecurity. However, you have your own life and friends and cannot sit by the phone 24/7. If you let him control you with the phone, then he will try other things to control you and, by the time, he is finished he will be in complete control, then you will not have a life of your own.

He may have been sweet, but everyone changes. Some for the better and some for the worse. I hope he is not trying to control you, because it is no fun. I speak from experience. By the time my ex was finished with me, it was all I could do to go outside. I was not allowed to even answer the phone. I became so insecure that I was afraid to breathe around him for fear that he would not like it.

I suggest that you ask him to sit down with you and discuss why he wants you right by the phone. Assure him that you care, but you have another life besides waiting for him to call. Or, you may want to suggest him call you at a certain time of the day. If you are feeling angry about him wanting you by the phone every time he calls, then you may want to tell him that, also. If the relationship is worth it, then I suggest that you find out why he is acting this way and try to explain how you feel to him. You are not married yet and now is the best time to get to the bottom of why he has or is changing. It will be too late after you marry him.

Blessings in whatever you decide to do.

Paul and Esther

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