My best friend's bf is very abuse, how can I help him?

Subject: My best friend's bf is very abuse, how can I help him?
Answered By: Cntrygrl
Asked By: Anonymous

Anonymous asked this question on 3/27/2000:

My best friend's boyfriend is very abusive to my best friend. I have talked to her about it and she said she is planning to leave. A few days ago, she broke up with him telling him that she couldn't take it. My friend is crying to be saying she mad a big mistake leaving him, while her boyfriend is asking me how can he get her back. I talked to him about the reason why she break up with him, and he didn't realized it hurt her as much. So the other night he called me up asking me how he can change. He asked me to go with him to any places to prove to my friend that he has change. My question is are there any places he can go to, to get help with his problem? And my other question is, is it a good idea for them to get back when he gets help? thanks

Cntrygrl gave this response on 3/28/2000:

First, I'd like to say that the only involvement you should have in this situation is to let him know where he may be able to go and get some help, and to comfort your best friend!! This is not a situation where you want to become deeply involved. He needs to find either a group in his local area that gets together to try and help each other out, or he may seek out a therapist that deals with abuse. He needs to prove to her that HE has changed on HIS OWN...not with your help, because YOU are not the one in THEIR relationship! Though this is not a situation that you should get too involved with, except for what I said above, I commend you for wanting to help them both..not a lot of people would do that!! As far as them getting back together, I do not think that that is a good idea right now, until he gets the help he needs, and even after that, he MUST take it slow in order to "get her back". He HAS to PROVE to her that he has, in fact, changed. She has to SEE the changes before she will be able to believe him! Trust me, I've been through this before (unfortunately). You may want to suggest to him to look under his local office of United Way, and if they can't help him, they may be able to direct him where to call for help. The local police station may have some suggestions also...they may know of some groups in the local area that deal with this. I hope this helps, and let me know if I can be of any further help to you. Good luck, and please let me know what happens.

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