Anonymous asked this question on 3/18/2000:

i used to be physically abused now its emotional abuse .i want to kno how i can stop the emotional abuse and have a better relationship with him again.please help.how can i communicate more with him?

hollyhopes gave this response on 3/18/2000:

My heart breaks for you. Please write back and give me a description of the abuse. What do you mean by emotional abuse? Why did he stop physically abusing you? Are you in counseling? Do you really love him? Have you talked to him about how you feel? What is his response? How long have you been with him? Do you have children? Take a deep breath and look in the mirror. You have something to learn from this. You are worthy of love. Tell yourself this in the mirror every day. Please write back soon so I can help. Peace to you and yours, Holly

Anonymous asked this follow-up question on 3/20/2000:

whae i say he is emotional abusive i mean he talks to me like i am shit.he makes me feel stupid when i talk to him.he yell at me all the time and calls me names.he puts his friends in front of me.he has girls calling the house.his house.he embarrases me in front of everybody verbally except in front of my mother.he stooped physically abusing me when my mother found out and he didn't completely stop just not as much as before.we are not in conseling but i wish we were.i love this man more than life.check the question board under relationships"how can i get things back to the way they used to"and that will give you a little more depth.i really do love him and i want to be with him forever.i have tried to talk to him about the way i feel but he always tells me he is not in the mood.i have been with him for almost 5 years and we don't have any children.

hollyhopes gave this response on 3/26/2000:

I am sorry for the delay in answering this. I have had a busy week and had to go out of town unexpectedly.

My best advice to you is to find a counselor and go with or without your partner. You have to decide if you are going to be able to live this way. You can do better. But I understand what that love can make you do and make you put up with. That's why you need to get into counseling: and not just on the internet. You need to find someone close by who will meet with you regularly. You cannot change him, but you can grow from this and change yourself and change your relationship. You cannot control or change his behavior. I wish you would leave him and refuse to be treated this way. Usually men who abuse women just get more and more violent. He hasn't stopped; he's just found an outside limit in your Mother. That will only last for a little while, and he will start to hit you more and harder if he doesn't get into counseling himself and learn to deal with his anger. I can't stress to you enough that 1. you are not safe and 2. YOU CANNOT CHANGE HIM!!

Good luck and do whatever you can do to stay safe and get help.

You are in my thought and prayers, Holly

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