josyane asked this question on 3/25/2000:

Hello, I'm French and far from being fluent in English.

I used to be verbally abused by my dad as a kid. As an adult, I do have some problems concerning relationships.

Can you please tell me what are the effects of verbal abuse?

nemesis2 gave this response on 3/26/2000:

Hi Josyane, sorry i can't speak french at all so I'll stick to my less than perfect English too. Abuse is abuse is abuse...and verbal abuse is emotional abuse and as such, it effects our abilty to communicate with others - particularly with authority figures or in close relationships that that remind us of our family of origin. To overcome some of our inadequacies resulting from past abuse requires learning how to communicate in a mature and respectful way. One such method is active (and reflective) listening. This involves making "I" statements rather than "you" statements - ie taking responsibility for our own feelings rather than the usual engagement between dysfunctual relationships that keeps projecting blame on the other. for example, "you never do the dishes" "you always sleep on the lounge" rather than "I don't like having to do the dishes every night" or "I feel resentful when I go to bed alone". Not very good examples, but the gist of it is always about clearly stating your feelings without blaming thee other. It is about boundaries, and abuse can lead to a lack of clearly defined boundaries that leave one open to further abuse or control by others. If you wish to speak more specifically, feel free to ask me anything further. Regards.