Anonymous asked this question on 3/18/2000:

i used to be physically abused now its emotional abuse .i want to kno how i can stop the emotional abuse and have a better relationship with him again.please help.how can i communicate more with him?

karunap gave this response on 3/21/2000:

The New Times newspaper in Seattle Washington printed an article by Nancy Webster called "What is Emotional Abuse" a few years ago. I suggest you call them at 206-320-7788 and see if they will send you a copy of the article.

There is very little you can do to change him... you can only change you. I suggest you call the domestic violence resources in your area and see if they have any groups for those experiencing emotional abuse. I also suggest you attend CODA (Co-dependents anonymous) or ACOA (Adult Children of Alcoholics) meetings. They are free 12 step meetings that would be helpful regardless of whether you have a family history of alcoholism.

If he is willing to work on the communication between the two of you, go for couple's counseling. If he is not willing, then get some individual counseling for yourself.

The person who is an emotional abuser will make everything your fault. You cannot change his behavior.... but you can stop taking in his accusations. As you become secure in yourself you will become clear about whether your relationship has future.

My clients have also found it helpful to attend a self empowerment training called Leap of Faith by a group known as Warrior Spirit. You should be able to find that on the Internet. Let me know if you have any trouble finding it. The training is offered free..... in the greater SEattle area.

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