Anonymous asked this question on 3/18/2000:
i used to be physically abused now its emotional abuse .i want to kno how i can stop the emotional abuse and have a better relationship with him again.please help.how can i communicate more with him?
symonie_2000 gave this response on 3/19/2000:
Anonymous,
There is no way to control an abuser or to "have a better relationship with him". Abusers don't care whether they hurt anyone or not. He will just do whatever he feels necessary in order to control YOU. That's one of the reasons why abusers batter others: they think they have no control over their lives and so, in order to gain power (or what they THINK is power), they lash out at others. This is no way for you to live, unless you want him to kill you. He might've promised that it won't happen again, but trust me, it WILL--over and over and over again, too. Many people go through the same exact situation where they think they can't get out of their house, because of the abuse, but that's why we're here--to help you. We can only guide you, but you've got to do the work. And I'm telling you now, you must leave, for your own sake. There IS no other way to communicate with him, because he's already told you how he feels--by hitting and degrading you. You might think you have nowhere to go, but that's not true. There are shelters in nearby towns or even IN your town. You also should obtain an order of protection to keep him away from you. If he dare touch you, he'll risk imprisonment or arrest. But for now, get out. Go to a relative or friend's house TONIGHT. Pack all your legal papers (social security numbers, credit cards, etc.), some clothes and toiletries and leave ASAP!! Go to a motel or something. And, most importantly, call the police and tell them your situation. They're the ones who are going to protect you if he comes after you. But YOU have to break away from this so-called relationship you have with your mate. If you want to live a peaceful and happy life, leaving and starting over again is your best bet. All you can really do about your situation is leave and get an order of protection. That's the only way you're going to live a HEALTHY life. If you need help finding any resources, don't hesitate to contact me,
symonie_2000
symonie_2000 gave this response on 3/20/2000:
Anonymous,
Sorry for hitting a nerve there, but it just concerns me that people who are abused don't want to leave their mates behind. Trust me, it's really in your own best interest that I give you advice. If I thought that your relationship would work out again, the way it had been, I would've given you the suggestion of having your mate get therapy. But since he's already abused you and will always do so until he gets rid of you, no matter how many times he says it won't happen ever again, you can't guarantee a safe relationship with him. Besides, you really do deserve better. Did you say he has girls calling the house? He might be cheating on you, and no one deserves a cheater. I would hate to see you stay with someone who treats you so badly. You can, instead of succumbing to abuse, be doing so many things with your life. You may want to attend college if you haven't already, earn a degree, write a book, try a new sport or hobby and actually have a healthy relationship. There is no reason you have to stay with him. You love him and want to stay because you think you don't deserve better, but you do deserve better--much more than your boyfriend offers you right now. I've met many people who stay in an abusive situation, thinking it will improve, but everything goes downhill. Everything. No one can decide for you, but we can help you make the best decisions, and that's what I'm trying to do...
symonie_2000
The average rating for this answer is 5.
Anonymous rated this answer a 5.