Anonymous asked this question on 3/18/2000:
i used to be physically abused now its emotional abuse .i want to kno how i can stop the emotional abuse and have a better relationship with him again.please help.how can i communicate more with him?
johnrecover gave this response on 3/18/2000:
Of course you can stop this. Leave. Now there is a simple solution to a much deeper problem. He needs to stop the abuse and you need to stop tolerating it. Most people will tell you to leave, but I have seen this type of relationship work out when the abuser gets some help and realizes what damage they have done and work the rest of the time on repair and maintaining the level of dignity and respect that they neglected in the past.
First thing you need to do is say no more abuse, any way, any form, nothing that slightly resembles it. Next, seek out some professional help with this. He may feel that it is not needed, but try to encourage him that you need it and want him to be a part of it. Communication is always strained in abusive relationships. If I were to tell you to leave, you would say that is not going to happen. So, if you are going to stay, then please, get some help and make this marriage the best it can be. Remember, you have already been at the bottom, there is no other way but up from here. Gain some insight into who you truly are and the answers will come there after. Good luck, John
Anonymous asked this follow-up question on 3/20/2000:
we are not married (yet ?).you are right.i won't leave him.i guess i live day to day for the next break up.
johnrecover gave this response on 3/20/2000:
Some people are addicted to crisis and planned panic. Maybe you need to take a look at that and decide what is the best thing for you to do for you. Thanks for the reply, I was wondering how you were doing. Anything else, feel free to contact me. John
Anonymous asked this follow-up question on 3/20/2000:
what do you mean addicted to crisis and planned panic?
johnrecover gave this response on 3/20/2000:
There are many names for people who demonstrate this type of behavior. I have heard them called "crisis junkies" even. These types of people need to have a constant crisis in their lives to help define who they are. When things are calm, the sit and wait for the next crisis to begin. It doesn't feel normal without a crisis going on. They don't do calm very well. People that plan panic, tend to put their whole life into the next minute. Worry all the time wondering how so and so is going to react and what they should do when it happens. They run life through their minds a thousand times a day, the problem is, they don't have the quality of life they would really like to have.
Crisis can be seen in varying forms and at different levels. Panic is more anxiety and brought on by past events. When people were raised in homes where no one knew what was going to happen next, the what was about to happen had to be a crisis. The only problem with people that practice this addiction is they die from stress related illness and usually pretty young. The neighbors call them heros because they seem to always be in control of what is going on around them. The bad thing is behind close doors, their lives are out of control. My opinion and what I have seen in 14 years of helping those in need.
Anonymous asked this follow-up question on 3/20/2000:
what is a panic attack and what does it feel like?i dont see myself as one of those people but as a person in denial.
johnrecover gave this response on 3/20/2000:
This message is becoming quite long and difficult to read all the posting. If you would please drop me an email message at johnrecover@juno.com and I will be glad to go into the details with you. It would take a lot of space and I would be glad to answer that question for you. Also, if you would disclose to me the reason you feel that you are in denial in the email, that will give me something to respond back to you. Thanks, John
The average rating for this answer is 4.2.
Anonymous rated this answer a 4.