Anonymous asked this question on 3/18/2000:

i used to be physically abused now its emotional abuse .i want to kno how i can stop the emotional abuse and have a better relationship with him again.please help.how can i communicate more with him?

snowbird gave this response on 3/18/2000:

If you were physically abused by the same person who is emotionally abusing you, now is the time to get out, because he will probably go back and forth. A victim becomes attached to the abuser and wants to protect them. However, you have to realize that it is no way to live.

If you feel that you have to stay with him, please get in touch with a domestic abuse counselor and try to work things out that way.

When my wife was being abused by her ex, she felt that there was no way out and didn't know where to turn. This went on for more than 20 years. We have been together for 15 and she still has problems dealing with situations, because of the abuse she suffered, even though there is no way that I have abused her.

If you feel that I can be of further help, please contact me either here as a private message or at my e-mail address.

Paul(Snowbird)Hays snowbirdhays@netscape.net

Anonymous asked this follow-up question on 3/20/2000:

mr.hays i wish that i could change our relationship not end it.i love him more than life.i see myslf with him in the future but he doesn't see things my way.he wasn't always a bad guy.i see myself like your wife for the next 20 years enduring his bull----until i can't take itt anymore.how old was your wife when she started that abusive relationship and what kind of abuse was it? p.s.the nice guys never get noticed.we just don't understand that.understand how a guy can treat us nice.well ill never know because i dont give the nice guys a chance.this is the ONLY guy i know.

snowbird gave this response on 3/20/2000:

My wife was first abused sexually at the age of 3. She didn't realize that fact until after we got together 15 years go. She had been 2 sexually, physically, and emotionally abusve relationships before we got together. Like you, that was all see knew.

But, with the proper help, she is learning that there is more to life than abuse.

The abused, always, have an attachment to the abuser and think things will change, but most abusers will not change.

Hope this helps.

If you have any further questions, please feel free to contact me at any time.

Paul

The average rating for this answer is 4.

Anonymous rated this answer a 4.

thank you mr.hays.i see my self like your wife.unless he breaks up with me again?