harrisonh asked this question on 3/12/2000:

My ex wife wants to have sole custody of our 3-year-old daughter. My wife self mutilates, binges and purges, abuses over the counter drugs (she says "I'm not a drug addict, you can buy these in any drugstore without a prescription"). She has had multiple suicide attempts, has been forcibly transported by police and by paramedics on several occasions. She has been required by the Police to leave our home about 30-40 times, and has been convicted of domestic violence. She shoplifted by concealing stolen items in our child's care items. She drove recklessly and had an accident WHILE she was pregnant. She has been terminated from a job for violence in the workplace. She would beat me, even when I was holding our baby, or when the baby was crying, holding on to my legs, trying to understand what was going on around her. Of course, I have never been arrested for domestic violence. My wife hid her presence, concealing the whereabouts of my child for over a year, never once allowing the child to see me or talk to me for OVER a year. I believe parental alienation, and preventing a wholesome interaction between parent and child, is itself a form of child abuse. During the time she concealed my daughter, she would call to tell me she had killed the child. She did not kill the baby, but my belief is that she would tell me these things to inflict emotional damage to me. Curiously, after hiding out, she resurfaced after a year near the very people that raped her and committed incest on her. My wife is the victim of incest from her brother and several of her uncles and possibly her father. Her mother DID know she was being abused, and I believe even facilitated it (my wife would talk in her sleep and say that she didn't "want to be "NICE" to the man", then say "OK mommy, I'll be nice to him". My wife does not admit consciously that her mother made her do this, but she would say it in her sleep. My wife has been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and prescribed medication. She only went to counseling only for about 1 month, after which she refused to attend counseling and refused to take her medication. Her refusal to return to the Doctor and to take medication coincided with the doctors observation that a mother should not let her child be abused. My daughter is in DIRECT contact with the very people who perpetrated the incest. My wife rejects the Doctors opinion that a mother should protect a daughter from rape. As an adult, when she was raped by her uncle, her mother told my wife in my presence, that her uncle was a "good man". I think that this abuse has affected my wife's ability to comprehend right from wrong. I do not think a person who is not capable of understanding that rape and incest are wrong should even have joint custody, much less sole custody; and especially should not be allowed to bring a female child into contact with the people who committed this horrible crime. I do not think she will protect my daughter from incest. I believe my wife is a danger to herself and others, especially our child. I think she should have supervised visitation until she receives medical attention and clearance. I am afraid that the abuse perpetrated against my wife will be perpetrated against my daughter. I am afraid that my wife will not protect my daughter from abuse. I seek knowledgeable people's opinion whether it is a good idea for a person with my wife's history to have anything other than supervised visitation until she is medically cleared.

Brandie gave this response on 3/12/2000:

I do not think your wife should have custody of your child. Your wife seems to have many problems, that a child should not be exposed to. If she harms herelf, not only could she have the potential to hurt the child physically, she is displaying very unhealthy things that no one needs to see much less a child. In my opinion children need to be brought up in safe and healthy enviroments. Your wife can not provide this kind of enviroment at this time. Your wife needs alot of help, which programs do exsist that can help her, but if she's not ready to admit she has problems (major) "we can't make her well". If I were you I would hire a laywer (use legal aide if you can't afford a laywer) to get custody of my child. Show the laywer copies of the police reports and anything else that will strengthen your case. You might consider going through social services to get some help. I would by all means get my child out of moms house. When I was growing up both of my parents abused me, so take it from me you have to do the right thing for your child by getting him/her out of there. I know you may have conflicting feelings about persuing legal measures against your wife but isn't your child worth fighting for? someone has to love the child enough to do something. If you do alow visitation not only should it be supervised, but it should be supervised by someone with power ie. the police, childrens services etc. This will help insure that the child will not be abducted. I urge you to do what is in the best interest of your child. I hope my advice helps, and if you want to talk some more please feel free to contact me again.

The average rating for this answer is 5.

harrisonh rated this answer a 5.

Thank you. I do have a lawyer and it is court right now. Yes the child was what I consider to be abducted. Two states are fighting over jurisdiction because of the concealment for a year. I love my little one and am doing what I can at costs of thousands of dollars. But youre right, it's worth it. Thanks so much for your caring!